The Bet || l.h.

- 34 -

It doesn't take me long to fall apart.

I don't care about which variable I need to solve for next or what the capital of Norway is. It's all meaningless without Luke.

I swallow hard as the familiar prick of tears starts at the backs of my eyes, my vision blurring. How many tears has he shed over me, while I've been breaking down over just the simple thought of him? None, probably.

It didn't mean the same thing to him, I try to tell myself. Why can't I get that through my head? He never gave a shit about me. It was all one big game. I was one big game. All the kisses, the secret looks, the 'I love you's, the easy smile he seemed to save just for me... 

None of it was real.

And yet, I still wish that he was here with me now.

I wish he would walk into my class and wrap his arms around me, making me forget about everything else. I wish I could fall into those strong arms once more and breathe in the familiar scent of him one last time.

I glance down at my phone, needing a distraction from the thoughts running around in my head. 

Crystal blue eyes stare up at me, light and content, forever frozen in a photograph.

I choke back a sob. I thought I could do this, but everywhere I go, I see his face. There's no escaping the boy I fell in love with, the boy that's become my downfall.

Raising my hand, I blurt, "Can I go to the bathroom?"

The teacher barely looks up from the board. "Take the pass with you."

Not wasting a second, I rush from my seat, lunging for the door. I can't break here, not now.

I run through the hallways to the library, my one true place to be alone with my thoughts. Behind those shelves is the only solace I've ever found.

The librarian greets me by name when I enter, used to my random appearances in the middle of class. But I don't have time to stop and talk.

I just wish I could rewind it to the very beginning, the night everything changed. The night the name Luke Hemmings wasn't just whispered among rumors, a distant identity.

If I knew where we would end up, I'd hold every second close, drown in those blue eyes that held me in their familiar embrace. I'd take all of it, if only to have cling to when it was all gone.

A sniffle cuts through my thoughts, muffled sobs echoing in the quiet.

I frown as I peer around the bookshelf, not wanting to intrude on someone's pity party but too concerned to ignore it.

"Calum?"

The tan boy looks up from the floor, tears staining his cheeks, his dark eyes red rimmed and exhausted. His face twists when he recognizes me, burying his head in his hands. 

"I'm so sorry, Emmy," he whimpers, distraught. "I should have told you-"

"Hey, it's ok," I say, hesitantly taking a seat beside him. My eyes flicker all over his face as he hides from me, pain shining in his eyes. 

"What's wrong?" I ask gently. Whatever past we may have, I don't want to see him in such agony.

Calum chokes out another sob. "I-I can't tell you," he says miserably. "We decided not to... We thought it'd be better just to leave you out of it-"

My brows draw together confusion. "Tell me what, Calum?"

When he doesn't respond, I say, getting annoyed now, "Things haven't necessarily gone well when you've hidden stuff from me in the past, so I suggest you tell me what's really going on."

He bites his lip, dropping my gaze as he covers his face with his hands again. "I've tried to be strong," he murmurs. "Everyone needs me to be the strong one. But I can't anymore. It's killing me just as much as everyone else."

He glances up at me, fresh tears swimming in his gaze. "Emmy... Luke's in the hospital. He overdosed and he's not doing too well."

Everything fades into background noise, a loud ringing filling my ears as Calum's voice slips in and out of my head.

"I thought we were helping him," Cal sobs, his cries ugly and loud. "But when Liz called me and told me what happened... He was supposed to be getting better!" He breaks off into another round of tears. 

"It's not supposed to be like this," he whispers, more to himself than to me.

But all I can hear is that one sentence. Luke's in the hospital...

No no no.

I'm supposed to hate him! The mere thought of him being in danger isn't supposed to make me feel sick. I shouldn't be fighting the urge to cry - especially for him.

My head is spinning, my imagination creating a web of theories to torture me with. What if he knows that I'm not over him and this is his last poke at me?

A pressure on my wrist jerks me back to reality.

Calum's eyes look into mine, intent, almost as if he needs me to understand. "I know what we did was wrong. But I can see it on your face now. You don't hate him. Because you can't."

I drop his gaze, but he forces me to look at him.

"Go to him, Emmy," he says gently. "You're the only thing that can save him now."

"What if he doesn't want to see me?" I whisper uncertainly.

"He will. He always will."

I wish I could just forget about everything Calum told me and go back to class. Go home and work on my homework, go to sleep like nothing ever happened. But all I can see is Luke, smiling back at me as he pulled me closer to his side. Thoughts of Luke lying motionless on a hospital bed, his blue eyes closed, churn my stomach until I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

Even then, I don't know what makes me say the words, "Drive me there."

*

I hate the smell of hospitals.

I broke my arm when I was ten and the pain combined with the bitter scent of antiseptic threatened to make me sick all over the bleached-clean floors.

It's not much different from how I feel right now.

Calum comes to a stop outside a room near the end of the hall, his hand hesitating on the door handle. "You... You should brace yourself," is all he says as he pushes the door open, stepping back to let me go in first.

I clap my hand over my mouth, desperately wishing that I wasn't so close to breaking.

Luke's eyes are closed as he lies perfectly still, his chest unevenly rising and falling. His skin is a grayish tint, dark circles hanging underneath his eyes to show how little sleep he's gotten since I last saw him.

"Oh Luke," I whisper, my heart breaking for the boy in front of me. The one that told me he never wanted to go back to rehab, that he was afraid he was a screw up. The one that I still love so desperately even after all he did to me.

Calum sets a gentle hand on my shoulder. I turn to throw my arms around him, clinging to him tightly like he has the power to make this all disappear.

"Emmy, I'm so sorry," Calum mumbles into my hair. "About everything."

"I don't care anymore," I sob. "I just want him to be ok. I need him to be ok."

Calum doesn't say anything. Whatever the doctors said that he doesn't want to repeat... I don't want to hear it. I can't take anymore. I'm already breaking.

And it's all my own fault.

A/N:

I'm not crying, you're crying😭

Comment what part has made you cry the most so far, I love hearing what you guys think!!! <33

- A