thirty-one

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anna

i take a deep breath as i clasp a star choker around my neck, hoping it fits the vibe of the holiday.

fireworks start at 9:00, and liam told me he'd meet me at 8:30 so we can get a good seat.

but i don't know if i want to spend my night with him.

the thought of ethan alone on the patio tonight makes me sad.

but then i remember that we haven't talked in three days. and that he probably hates me again.

sighing, i spray on vanilla perfume and dot some lavender oil on my wrists.

by the time i've slipped on my birkenstocks, liam texts me that he's outside.

i force a smile and make my way out the door. he smiles when he sees me, and his eyes linger on my chest for a little longer than i feel comfortable.

"what's this?" he mumbles, looking at my top.

"oh! i saw this thing where you tie a large bandana into a makeshift shirt... and it's red and white... and my shorts are jean shorts... so i thought it was fitting."

"it's hot," he says, making me furrow my eyebrows.

"thanks?" i say, but as more of a question.

"we should probably head down to the beach now. i brought us a blanket to sit on," he motions his head down towards the sand.

i nod as he grabs a blanket from his car, and starts to head down the beach walk.

grayson and cameron are already sitting in lawn chairs near the water when we arrive, and i send them a wave.

they grin and wave back.

"alright," liam says, laying the blanket on the dry sand and plopping down. "i chose a spot away from everyone."

"why?" i ask, sitting down next to him with my legs crossed.

he gives me an obvious look. "you know... in case i do this..."

he leans in, but i jolt away. "i um, i don't really want to do that at this moment. is that okay?"

he sighs, licking his lips. "yeah... whatever."

people begin to flood the beach, but liam was right. he chose a spot kind of secluded from everyone, hidden behind a random cabana.

i check my phone after awhile, and notice that the fireworks start in 20 minutes. 

"did you happen to bring any food?" i ask. "my stomach is growling."

"no," he answers blandly.

"okay," i mutter, widening my eyes as i turn away from him.

everyone is chatting with each other and laughing, but there's awkward silence between liam and i.

he scrolls on his phone for the next few minutes, not even attempting to engage in a conversation.

so i get bold.

"did you only want to spend time with me tonight so you could make out with me?" i ask.

he looks up from his phone briefly. "isn't that what people do, anna? why don't you ever want to do anything?"

"well why don't you ever want to hold a normal conversation?" i shoot back. "every time we hang out, you're constantly trying to pressure me into something."

"you kind of gave me the wrong idea when you showed up wearing a bandana as a shirt, for gods sake," he rolls his eyes with an annoyed tone.

"so you're saying that my outfit makes you think you can act like this?" i ask, my voice growing louder and angrier. "i'm literally done. i don't want to watch the fireworks with you, liam. find another girl who will let you in their pants, because it's not going to be me. not now, not ever."

i stand up, brushing sand off my butt and grabbing my phone from the blanket.

"anna wait!" he calls after me as i begin to storm off.

i ignore him and huffily run up the beach, trying not to step on any sharp seashells.

"i hate him," i mumble to myself angrily and storm up the beach ramp, back up to the house.

string lights are strung around the patio, making me smile a little bit— despite the raging fire of anger in my stomach.

i'm about to just run back to the guest house, disappearing for the night, when someone in a lawn chair catches my eye.

"anna," ethan says, lips parting and eyes widening slightly when he sees me.

"hi..." i respond, ducking my head.

"why aren't you at the beach? with liam? and jackie?"

i shake my head. "i um, i didn't want to hang around them tonight. i thought i'd just go home."

"oh," he says. "well... do you want to sit with me?"

annoyance shoots through me. "ethan, you've been straight up ignoring me for three days with no explanation. why are you suddenly wanting to spend time with me?"

he sighs, reaching up to run his hands through his hair. "i'm sorry, okay? we can talk about it later if you want, and we can just watch the fireworks tonight."

"give me one reason why i should."

he holds up a blue bowl. "robert cut me some mangoes. i'm willing to share."

it's impossible to contain the smile on my face, so i hesitate for a moment— then finally give in.

he stands up quickly, dropping the blanket around him to the ground. he disappears for a second, but returns with another folded up lawn chair, and unfolds it right next to his.

i sit gingerly in it, and he offers me his blanket. taking one half of it, i scoot my chair closer to his so he can have the other half.

we both reach our hands in the bowl of mango slices at the same time, and laugh a little.

"what happened with liam?" he asks quietly after a couple minutes.

i sigh. "don't wanna talk about it. don't wanna think about it."

he nods. "got it."

the beach is almost packed at this point with families and friends, laughing and smiling at the sky; waiting for it to be lit up.

i catch ethan looking at it longingly.

"what're you thinking about?" i whisper.

"i want to do it, anna."

sitting up straight, i ask, "do what?"

he turns to me, his eyes serious. "i want to watch the fireworks from the beach."

my eyebrows jump up. "oh. if this is anything i said before—"

"no," he cuts me off. "i want to. it was one of my dad's favorite things to do, and i think i can do it if you come with me. will you?"

i nod. "of course."

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