fifty-two

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ethan

as my feet hit the ground, i look up and around. my mom's car isn't in the driveway, so she must've already left to drop off the letter.

i round the corner of the guest house and start to head to the front, where it's easier access to the lawn.

my mind is too preoccupied to make sure no one's around, which is why i flinch when i hear the familiar sound of a voice.

"ethan. grant. dolan."

a chill runs up my spine at the cold and firm words from my mother's mouth. i look up from the ground slowly, and sure enough, my mom stands in front of the guest house front door, a white envelope in hand.

the look on her face sends me into fight or flight. she staring at me with such intensity and anger that i break eye contact.

"w-what are you doing here?" i ask.

"what am i doing here?" she reiterates, clearly livid. "what are you doing here? where did you even come from?"

"i was on a run," i try to explain quickly. "on the beach. and i just was going to stop here to get some coffee. anna has the good kind."

"don't you lie to me," she whispers. "i saw you. i saw you come out of the window."

i close my eyes and swallow a lump in my throat. "i can explain."

"your brother told me you were staying over at a friend's. i should've clearly pushed for a further explanation, because it just occurred to me that you don't make friends. you don't let people be your friend."

"mom," i try to give her calm expressions. "can't you just let me explain?"

"oh sure," she throws her hands up. "please explain to me why you're crawling out of the guest house at 8 am? can you please explain to me why you totally blew off grace at the party a couple days ago? please explain why you and anna sneak around when you think i don't know about it?"

"i thought you liked anna!" i yell.

her face is firm. "i do. so much in fact that i'm giving her a summer paycheck, referral, and free flight back home."

i gape. "what? when?"

she checks her watch. "it's a little late to book, but i'm sure i can find one out of LA for later tonight."

"you can't just do that!" i yell.

she takes a step closer, her face not wavering.
"watch me."

"why are you doing this?" i ask weakly. "why do you hate us so much?"

"anna is not what i want for you," she replies evenly. "i'm sorry, ethan. i am. but she's simply... a summer romance."

i shake my head, beginning to feel angry. "no she's not. you know nothing about us."

"i know that anna will be flying back home tonight and coming back to stanford for the fall. and i know that you and her will be hours away, which is where it's best for all of us."

i tilt my head back, unable to process what she's saying to me. "why are you doing this?"

"because i love you."

"if you loved me," i air quote. "you would let me be happy."

"you don't know what you want yet," she says quietly. "but i do. i don't want to be the bad guy here, ethan. i'm simply doing what i believe is best."

she places her hand on my arm, eyes looking somber.

i stare down at her touch and yank my arm away.

"your beliefs are wrong."

"ethan," she replies through gritted teeth. "you're not an adult. no matter what the law says, you're not an adult. you rely on me. so what i'm going to do is give you the chance to walk away now."

i shake my head. "i'm not leaving."

"i'm going to go in there and tell anna about the new plans," my mom says. "unless you want to be associated with the decision, i suggest you go inside. and stay there."

with one last look, she turns back to the door and plasters a fake smile onto her face as she knocks loudly.

i debate my options, but it would be so much worse if anna saw me standing next to my mom when she gets told the news.

so i simply sprint back up to the house, the wind coursing through my lungs. fresh air is all i need right now, and only anna can give me that.

she's fresh air to me.

my limbs are a bit shaky as i race up the stairs with my shoes still on, and knock harshly on grayson's door.

he opens it immediately and gives me a knowing look. "something's wrong. i felt something wrong."

i don't cry often.

like, ever, actually.

so when grayson sees the fragile state of my emotions, he quickly pulls me into a hug, and closes the door behind us.

i hide away in his tight embrace and don't even bother explaining to him.

because he knows.
he somehow just knows.

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