Don't Be Afraid

Chapter Sixteen

#EDITED!

I like Bananas.

This chapter might get a little intense.

Chapter Sixteen

I was packing my overnight bag to go to Adler. It was about time to leave if I wanted to get there on time. Leave it to me to procrastinate.

I pack my dad’s crucifix that was on a silver chain. It was his before he went super crazy and went to the asylum. The reason he still doesn’t have it today is because they wouldn’t allow any kind of jewelry in the asylum. So he gave it to me and told me it would protect me, not that I really remember it anyway. Protect me from what? I’m guessing, based on his state of mental illness, he went through the same things as me.

It has been on my neck for the past two days, ever since that night Jesse and I had made those rules. Along with praying every night. I hadn’t really been following the ‘Always have someone with you’ rule. I don’t have a lot of friends so rule is kind of hard to follow.

Jesse had practically forced me to ride with him to Adler. He kept begging me and begging me to go. It was really annoying. I had agreed but now I am having second thoughts. The conversation with Emery last night really got me thinking. I didn’t know much about Jesse, at all. I haven’t even seen his mother yet, and I was at his house.

Was he really bad news? Was he the demon? What if he was planning on killing me? What if he was only trying to gain my trust so he could only hurt me?

I should really stop thinking about the ‘what ifs’ because they are scaring me. I can’t think about that. I almost let my guard down around Jesse, but now it’s fully back up. I wasn’t going to let anyone to get to me.

I just finish packing my cloths when I hear a knock at my front door. It must be Jesse picking me up. Well I guess it’s now or never.

I grab my duffle bag and make my way down stairs. I open the front door to see Jesse smiling. I mentally roll my eyes. What was he thinking about?

“Hey, are you ready?” He asks gleefully. He was too happy for his own good.

“Yeah.” I reply curtly and walk out my house. I shut and lock the door. I see Jesse smile falters a little.

I walk over to his car and get in. I wonder if he was planning to kill me on the trip to Adler.

I’d rather him do it and get it over with, then let me wait.

Jesse gets in the car and starts it. “Are you okay Athena?” He asks with worry. Yeah, I’m totally fine, I’m just thinking of the possible ways that you could kill me; if you’re trying to kill me. So how are you?

“I’m fine.” I reply. In reality, I was scared that Emery’s words might be true. But I can’t jump to conclusions. I just wonder if Jesse was lying about seeing ghost and all the things that have happened to him. If he is, why is he going through all that trouble just to kill me? I don’t know, all this thinking is making my head hurt.

I run my hands through my hair and sigh. I did not want to go to Adler. “Are you sure?” Jesse asks again. I was getting really tired of his questions.

“I already told you I was fine, there is no need for you to ask again.” I say rudely. I instantly regret talking like that to Jesse, but I just couldn’t deal with the pressure building up inside my head. It felt like my brain was pressing up against my skull, trying to break free.

I close my eyes, feeling that I didn’t have any strength to keep them open. Jesse was already leaving to go to Adler. I took deep breaths in and then out. I was listening to what my therapist says for once.

The pressure in my head was getting greater and greater by the second. I grab my overnight bag and pull out my anti-depressants that I have yet to take since I got them.

There were voices talking in my head. Whispering things such as murder, death, and war. Their words were worse than the nightmares I experience at night. I felt like my head was going to explode. I need to get this pressure out.

I open the pills and swallow a handful; I didn’t even care how much I had taken. All I cared about was getting these voices out of my head.

“Athena, you are not okay! Look at me!” Jesse almost yells. I didn’t even realize that he had stopped on the side of the road.

It was too hard to move my body; it felt like I was head deep in cement. The voices were getting louder and louder, the pressure was getting grater and grater. I suddenly couldn’t breathe. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest.

I need something to relieve this pressure. I voice told me in my mind to get a knife, to cut my skin, to bleed out the pressure. It would help me feel better, it would stop the pressure.

I couldn’t even here Jesse’s voice anymore. I realized that he was talking—or more like yelling at me; telling me to look at him. How was I supposed to look at him when I couldn’t even control my own movements?

A sudden idea came to mind when a voice spoke the words of abandonment. I was told to get out of the car, to run into the woods, to run away from Jesse because he is not good.

And I did just that.

To drown, to fall, to lie on the ground, to die. To disappear forever.