twisted ✔️ (being edited)

27| Twisted Little Secret- Part Two

⚠️Trigger Warning: mention of suicide and self-harm scars⚠️

As Mom's words echo in my mind, I remember what Dad's letter said. 'Don't let them tell you otherwise: you will always be mine. Always my little girl.' I shake my head and tell her, "No. What are you talking about? What do you mean, my dad isn't my dad? Of course he is."

"No, he's not."

"But..." My eyes widen with fresh tears. "He has to be."

"When I turned seventeen, I fell in love with my brother," Mom begins to explain as she leans against the counter for support, and continues. "I don't know how it happened, Codi. Paulter had been away for four years finishing college and when he came home after his graduation, something changed. Something was different. I looked at him differently. I knew it was wrong and I even tried to punish myself for it."

"What do you mean?" Realization hits. "You tried to kill yourself?"

She nods, pulling up her sleeve to reveal old scar marks on her left wrist. "Yes, twice, but I didn't care. I couldn't care. I couldn't control my feelings for my brother and one weekend when our parents were out of town visiting our aunt, Paulter and I shared a night together."

"I'm going to throw up again," I mutter, rubbing my forehead as a headache grows.

"Just listen!" She shouts, taking in a deep breath. "About a month later, I found out I was pregnant. Obviously, I couldn't say it was Paulter's! He's my brother, and four years older at that. My parents would have disowned me. Everyone would have hated me. I was already dating this boy at school—my best friend—and he's always been madly in love with me."

"Jeffery? My dad, or..."

"We had already been sleeping together at that point in our relationship, so I told Jeffery the baby was his. We got married a few months later and moved in together. I never finished high school; I had to drop out. Paulter and I limited our contact. We never told anyone what we did. I didn't want him completely out of your life, though, so he only visited on holidays and special events."

My eyes widen. "Wait, wait, wait." I circle back to what Mom said. "If Jeffery isn't my actual dad, then—"

"Yes, Paulter is your father, Codi."

The room starts to spin. My mind blanks. I want to throw up or cry, possibly both. I don't want to believe what Mom's saying. "Uncle Paulter is my dad? My uncle and dad? But... but that means... t-that means Brad's my brother."

"Half-brother," She corrects.

"Because that makes it better!" I turn away and grunt in frustration, holding a hand over my mouth as another sob escapes. "I don't even know my own family anymore. I don't know who I am. Who am I, Mom?"

"You're Codi. You always have been."

I glare at her. "Are you serious, Mom? I'm a daughter and niece to the same fucking man! My boyfriend is my cousin-slash-half-brother, which I will be dumping tonight, by the way."

"Why?" She asks. "You don't have to. If you're in love with him, make it work."

Bug-eyed and shocked, I yell, "Are you actually sane right now?!" I almost laugh. "Do you realize how crazy you sound? Mom, this isn't some toxic boyfriend with pretty hair and nice eyes. I'm not dating my own brother!"

"I am!" She counters.

"That's not something to fucking brag about!" I scream at her. There's a question I still want answered, but I'm almost afraid to ask. I push through the fear and ask anyway. "Did you and Uncle Paulter kill Dad to keep your secret?"

Mom's eyes widen. "What kind of question is that, Codi? Of course not! What, you think we staged his car accident? No! It was that drunk driver's fault! How can you think we'd do something so cruel and vicious? Even if I didn't love Jeffery or he wasn't your real father, I-I would never! He was my best friend!"

I feel almost relieved to know my dad died naturally and tragically, but it still won't bring him back. "Are you and Uncle Paulter—or Dad or whatever—still doing whatever the hell you're doing?"

She crosses her arms. "Yes, we are."

"You have to end it."

"Excuse me?"

"You have to break up with him! This isn't normal!"

Mom rolls her eyes. "We are not a normal family."

"Yeah, I know that now." I can't stop glaring at Mom. All these years she's kept this secret from me makes me so angry. "Either break it off with Uncle Paulter or I am moving out tonight and you will never hear from me again."

"Are you serious, Codi? You're making me choose between love and my kid?"

"This isn't love!" I shove the pile of pictures off the counter and they fly off and land at our feet. "This is some sick obsession and there is something wrong with you and Uncle Paulter!

She shakes her head. "I'm not picking. You can't make me."

"Fine. I'm eighteen. I'm moving out tonight and you will never see me again."

"Codi—"

"I need to think and process this."

I storm outside to the backyard and fall back on the wooden swing. I think about the day Dad set this up for me on my eighth birthday. I miss him so much. I can't believe the people I love and trusted the most would hurt me like this, like to me all these years. How could they think keeping this from me would be okay? That I'd be perfectly fine? What hurts the most out of all this isn't the lies or the secret keeping. It's the truth now of me being a fucked up person. I fell in love with my own brother—half at that, which didn't matter—and had sex with him. Oh God, what if I had gotten pregnant and ended up like Mom? I stare down at my hands as my vision blurs again with tears and I lean forward, hiding my face into my hands as I cry into them.