twisted ✔️ (being edited)

29| Only Family

It's been a year since Dad died.

Seven months since prom, graduation, and my last conversation with Mom. Our plans to move to California haven't been sticking. Kal and I forgot one important thing: money. We plan on driving there and his jeep has been acting up. I think I cursed it somehow with my bad luck of owning piece-of-junk cars. After long months, Kal gave in and just bought a new car, so we're leaving today. I just had to stop and do something first.

I wish Dad were here to have seen me graduate. We always talked about having an expensive dinner out of town and eating ice cream sundaes and taking a family road trip. None of those things happened, but I know he's proud of me, wherever he is now. That's all that matters. Kal waits in the car as I walk through the cemetery, carrying a dozen daisies, and follow the path to his headstone. Losing the only family I had broke me. After today, I don't ever plan on coming back (except to visit Dad's grave every year on his birthday).

I stand at his grave and tears fill my eyes at the sight of weeds growing around the headstone. I kneel forward and rip them off, clearing his name, and toss the dead plants aside. As I sit, I replace the empty slot with the bouquet of daisies. "Hey, Dad," I whisper with a smile. "It's Codi." I guess it doesn't matter what I say; there's no way I could say the wrong thing now. "It's been a crazy year. Like Lifetime movie-crazy. Remember we used to watch those movies all the time every weekend? That was our thing. Mom used to say we were obsessed. They were so addicting, though." I go quiet at the mention of her and clear my throat. "I'm sorry you were lied to, but I'm grateful you didn't leave me. You were—are—the greatest father ever."

Breaking down, I hold a hand over my mouth as I sob in it. I taste salt. "I graduated, Dad. I did it. Kal and I got ice cream sundaes to celebrate—in honor of you." I pull out my phone and open my photo gallery, turning the screen towards the headstone as I swipe through pictures from graduation day, as if Dad is sitting across from me now and listening. I can feel him in my heart. "Speaking of Kal, we're dating now. After sixteen years, right? You always liked him." I stare at my bare left hand. "I think I want to marry him Dad. I do. I don't ever want to spend a day away from him. I wish you could be there to walk me down the aisle."

I turn around and glance at the car, at Kal in front seat, and he waves. I smile and turn back to the headstone. "I'm moving to California with Kal. We're staring in his brother's loft until we can afford our own place. I promise I will visit you every year, bring you a dozen daisies like you used to get me on my birthday. I just... I can't stay here anymore. Not with Mom and her toxicity. You'd understand, right? Of course I love her. I always will. I don't think I could ever hate my own mother, but her choices and secrets have destroyed me and I don't know who I am anymore."

I am not the same girl I was a year ago. I am not Codi Cameron. I am just Codi. Just Codi, confused with eighteen years' worth of gut-wrenching shame, guilt, humiliation, and dark, twisted secrets. Just Codi, terrified I'll never be able to move on or let go of the past, fear of haunting memories that will follow me into my next life. Just Codi.

"I found a therapist in California. Her name's Doctor Leatta Harper. I'm going to start seeing her twice a week once we've settled in and such. I've read reviews about her and everyone seems to love her. I really think this is going to help me. It's hard looking in the mirror and seeing someone I don't recognize, like a part of me is missing. I will find that missing piece again, even if it means driving across the country and starting a new life with my best friend." I check the time on my phone; we have to leave soon. I stare at dad's name on the headstone and smile with tears. "I miss you so much, Dad. I'll see you later." Standing up, I rub grass and dirt off my jeans, and start walking back to the car.

Uncle Paulter's parked at the entrance, leaning against the hood of his truck. I expect Mom in the front seat, but she isn't with him. After everything happened, after The Secret came out, I cut contact with Mom and Brad and I couldn't bring myself to talk to Uncle Paulter. Now it looks like I don't have a choice. "Hey, Codi," He greets.

"I see you've found me."

"I see you haven't left for California yet," He counters with a playful tone.

I miss how things were between us. Fries and Frosties and spontaneous trips to the beach. How we'll never have those days again. "Yeah, there's this thing called money and it takes a while to save up."

We stare at each other, quiet, and I watch behind Uncle Paulter as Kal climbs out of the car, resting an arm on the hood. He steps forward to intervene, and I slightly shake my head, telling him it's okay and I can handle this.

Uncle Paulter scratches his neck. "Look, Codi. I know we're not on the best of terms right now—"

"That's an understatement."

"You have to know I tried to help." Now I'm confused. "When I found out Brad was your new boyfriend I kept teasing you about, I begged him to break up with you and end the relationship. I didn't want you going down the same path your mom and I did. Brad didn't listen, obviously..."

I cross my arms. I had no idea that happened. At first I think the gesture's sweet, but it soon turns sour. "Why didn't you tell me, then? Let me get out of the relationship myself?"

"Because I love your mother and I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want the truth to get out unless it was coming from her mouth." 

I roll my eyes and chuckle. "So instead you gave me trust issues and a range of insecurities and mental problems that will take years of therapy to undo. Thanks."

Uncle Paulter reaches in his jacket pocket and pulls out a thick envelope. "I can't change what I didn't do, but I can try to make things better." He steps forward and hands it to me. "Here."

I take it, confused, and ask, "What is this?"

"There's about ten thousand dollars there."

"What?!" I shout as I open the envelope and see all the cash. "No, I can't—"

"To help towards your trip to California. I know you want to get out of here, so..."

I shake my head and try to give it back, but he won't take it. "I can't accept this."

"Please, Codi. It's the least I can do." Uncle Paulter frowns with a sigh. "I promise there are no strings attached. I won't come chasing after you for a favor or nothing. Your mom doesn't even know I'm here."

I hesitate for a moment. We could really use the extra money. I just hope Uncle Paulter is true to his word. I hold the thick envelope to my chest and nod at him. "Thanks... Uncle Paulter." Calling him that deepens his frown, but there's no way in hell I'm going to call him Dad.

"You can call me dad, you know," He whispers.

"I appreciate that you tried to help with Brad and everything, but in the end you still didn't tell me the truth."

"I'm sorry."

"I know, and I accept your apology, but nothing else." I look at Kal, then back at my uncle. "I have to go now."

Uncle Paulter raises his arm and stops me. "If you'd let me, I'd love a real chance to get to know my daughter."

I stare him straight in the eye. "The only family I have is buried six feet under. He's my real father." 

Without another word, I step past Uncle Paulter and gets back in the car with Kal. We drive off, leaving behind secrets of shame, guilt, and fear I'd soon rid of.