supernatural imagines/smuts

cas-i hate it when you cry

here's another sad one but also i was wondering if i should add the songs that inspired some chapters so please comment if i should or not <3 also it was a while since i watched this part i cant remember how it exactly went so please bare w me :)

also there's mild smut and like triGGering drug stuff idk how to label it

Everything was so much on you, Sam and Cas. Dean was now hanging out with his new best bud Crowley since he was a demon, and none of you were happy about that. Sam took it the hardest, no matter how much he called his older brother, or how hard he tried to look for him, Dean was unreachable. Dean and Sam were practically your family and you hated seeing everything fall apart. You tried your best to keep it together in front of Sam, always giving him hope and comforting him. Cas was also in the bunker, helping out with finding Dean and how to get the Mark off. When the day was over, you'd either drink with Sam, or head into your room and cry yourself to sleep. Cas was always there to comfort you, but he'd usually be doing other things at night since he didn't sleep. Sometimes he'd get drunk with you and Sam, but mostly everyday felt the same. Draining and repetitive.

You sat on your bed after yet again another unsuccessful day and buried your face in your hands. Were you ever going to catch a break? You reached into your drawer to get some pills, you called them your happy pills. They mostly helped calm you and kept you from having some sort of breakdown and you didn't really know what they were, as long as they made you feel slightly less shitty. No one knew about this and you wanted to keep it that way, knowing Sam would call it "drug abuse" and blow it out of proportion. Just as you downed them with some water someone knocked on your door.

"Come in." You said, knowing it was Cas by the way he knocked. He walked into your room and sat next to you on your bed.

"How are you?" He asked, putting his hand on your knee. Cas and you were kind of dating, because friends don't make-out with each other. Sam and Dean didn't know, or at least you thought they didn't.

"You ask me that everyday Cas." You told him, dryly laughing.

"Because I hope the answer will be better the next day." Cas said to you, gently leaning on you. You leaned into him and put your head on his shoulder.

"I miss him. And I miss the way everything used to be. I just want him back already." You said to Cas, your voice breaking slightly. He put his arm around you, bringing you closer to his body.

"I do too, I promise we'll find him and get through to him." Cas said quietly to you and a few tears slipped down your cheeks. Seems like the pills haven't kicked in yet.

"I love you." You whispered to Cas while crying. He sighed and kissed the top of your head.

"I hate it when you cry." Cas mumbled against your hair while you choked back a sob.

"I'm sorry." You whispered, making him pull away gently so you were now face to face with him.

"May I kiss you?" He asked and you nodded wiping the tears off your face. Cas pressed his lips against yours in a sweet way while you continued to cry. He then smiled against your lips before pulling away.

"Your tears taste salty." He said, making you burst out into giggles with him. After laughing for a bit you stopped crying and laid your head against the angels chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"I love you too." Cas said, making you realize he didn't say it back earlier. You smiled, but then your stomach turned with guilt, since you didn't know if Cas was genuinely making you happy, or the pills you took. You debated on whether you should tell him or not, but decided against it.

You pulled away to kiss his neck, feeling a sudden wave of affection towards Cas. He wrapped his arms around your waist and had his other hand in your hair while you kissed up to his sweet spot, making him groan. You pulled away and he attacked your lips with his, bringing more passion and heat this time. You gently tugged at his hair, and he groaned into your mouth which encouraged you to speed things up. You pulled your shirt off, breaking the kiss for a split second. This time Cas attached his lips to your chest, his hands traveling to the back of your bra to undo it. You pushed his trench coat off of him along with his suit jacket. He took it off and undid the buttons on his dress shirt fairly quickly. Both of you were topless and before moving on Cas pulled away to ask a question.

"If we're going to do this, do you have a condom this time?" You giggled, remembering how last time you and him had to sneak into Deans room while he was sleeping to look for a condom.

"I should in my drawer." You told him, making him reach over you to open your drawer and look for a condom. Until he found the bottle of pills.

"What are these?" Cas asked, trying to read the label out loud.

"Ci-ta-lo-." You grabbed the bottle from his hand and put it back into the drawer.

"Nothing, just painkillers." You shrugged and attempted to pull him back into your kiss but he frowned and grabbed the bottle again, reading the description.

"Anti-depressants? You didn't tell me you were taking anything." Castiel said in a hurt tone and you rolled your eyes.

"It's not a big deal." You told him, pulling the blanket to cover yourself up a bit.

"Does Sam know?" He asked, clearly not interested in whatever you were doing before anymore.

"No, but like I said it's not a big deal. He probably takes them too." You told him, a poor attempt to get him to stop asking questions.

"I'll go ask him if he does then." Cas started to get up and you grabbed his wrist, not wanting Sam to know. The angel frowned at you throwing the pills on the bed.

"So it is a big deal then?" You looked away from him, not wanting to talk about this.

"Answer me." Castiel said sternly, making you break your staring contest with the floor.

"They make me feel better." You told him quietly, hoping he wouldn't get mad. There was a silence before he spoke up again.

"You could've just told me. I'm always here to help. And if not me then Sam-."

"Sam has enough on his plate. I didn't want to bother anyone." You told him, it was the truth.

"You're never a bother to anyone Y/n. Please stop taking them, talk to me instead." Cas sat back down in front of you, taking your hand in his.

"But you hate it when I cry and these pills they-."

"I don't want you to be reliant on some stupid pills. Please Y/n." Castiel begged, his heart practically bleeding for you. You nodded slowly.

"Okay, I won't take them anymore." You said, hoping it was true. Cas sighed in relief and you were glad he wasn't as mad as you thought he was going to be.

"Your not mad?" You asked him.

"I could never be mad at my angel." He said and you laughed at his ironic nickname for you and he smiled.

"Don't tell Sam though." You warned him and he nodded. Theres no way Sam needed to know about this.

"I won't unless I find out you're taking them again." He said and you agreed.

"But- I will ask him if he's taking them too." Cas added to his statement, making you curious about the subject too.

"I'm gonna sleep Cas, I'm pretty tired." You told the angel while getting up to put a comfortable shirt on.

"Can I lay with you?" He asked as you changed.

"Of course, here change into these. No way you'll be comfortable in those pants." Cas nodded and did as you said. The both of you were ready to sleep and got into bed after turning the little lamp off.

"Goodnight Y/n." Cas said, pulling you into his chest. You kissed his chest in response and dozed off into the best sleep you had gotten in a while.

wc-1400

don't forget to vote and comment please <3