orenda [leo valdez]

lvi. Anger

❝how lucky i am to have something

that makes saying goodbye so hard❞

⤷ a.a. milne

△△△

She tried.

She really did, despite what the other campers said.

The pain of losing her best friend was a lot deeper then they realized.

Leo had been the first and only person to ever truly know every part of her. Of course, her friends knew her. But Leo knew her deeper then that. She told him about Tartarus, about her mother, about things that she never dared to tell anyone else.

And he had loved her, despite everything wrong with her. Leo had accepted her for who she was.

He was her first friend she had made at Wilderness School, and the first to leave.

She lost her support, her anchor, her first and only love.

She knew his toothbrush was green. He made his bed every morning while whistling a tune. His favorite color was red. She knew he got carsick whenever he was in the car too long. When he got stressed, he slipped into Spanish. She knew he knew morse code. His eyes were the color of the earth after a rainstorm, a glistening new penny, a warm cup of hot chocolate. She knew his favorite song and his favorite show, and yet, despite all of it, it wasn't enough for the Fates to keep him with her.

So, she reacted in the only way she understood. Anger. Things that she never would have done if he was still there, if she never was a demigod.

She really did try.

It wasn't like she went around stabbing everyone. She just hated everyone for his death as much as she blamed herself.

She blamed herself harshly. She took her anger out on the camp, but deep down she knew it was her fault.

She spent every single minute training. She barely left the training pads, but she didn't dare to train with others, because she didn't know if she could control herself to stop in time.

Even when she wasn't training, she was isolated. She ate dinner after everyone had gone to the campfire and she never slept in her own bed. She slept in Leo's, and everyone was too scared of her to tell her it was against the rules. It was the only way the nightmares were bearable. Of course, they were still horrifying and traumatic, but they were unbearable in the Ares cabin, and all of her cabinmates didn't know how to help her when she woke up screaming and crying.

Many times she regretted not running away. Hestia telling her to stay was her trying to keep her safe and in contact with her friends, but Kira felt like she would be a lot happier alone in the woods somewhere. At least she would have time to grieve alone, without people breathing down her neck.