In My Lover's Mind

Intimacy

I'm here with Jack, be with Jack. I'm here with Jack, be with Jack. No matter how many times I thought this, I still had trouble actually doing it. Last week, all I wanted was to see him again. Why was it so hard to focus on him now?

He reached over and pinched my cheek. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"What?"

"Well, you're either scowling at your plate because you're still worrying about one of them, or because you hate carrots," he laughed. "I guessed it was the former."

I sighed. "I'm fine, I just hate my mind sometimes."

"Gee, I wonder what that's like," he teased.

"Moving on," I said, rolling my eyes, "what would you like to do after lunch?"

"Hmm, excellent question. We just walked in the garden, and you've already given me a report about what's been happening. I guess all that's left is to sit together and talk like people."

"Talk like people?" I said, faking shock. "Are you sure? That sounds a little extreme. Can't we do something simpler? Like discussing the problems with your various personalities?"

"Tempting, but I think I'd like to know you a little better," he said, chuckling. "I feel like our relationship got very intense very quickly. Yet, somehow, I know almost nothing about you. I know certain topics are off-limits, but there has to be a lot more to you than just those things. That's the Anna I want to know."

"What do you want to know exactly?" I said, shrugging.

"I guess it might be good if we talked about some things related to long-term relationships," he paused suddenly. "Umm, I guess my first question should be is this a long-term relationship even?"

I couldn't help laughing. "You really think I'd be putting myself through all this for a fling?"

"Fair enough," he said, smiling, "but I didn't want to assume. Well, since that's out of the way, what are your feelings about marriage?"

The shock must have been obvious on my face because he started laughing. He reached over and grabbed my hand.

"I wasn't planning to ask anytime soon if that's what you're worried about," he said teasingly. "Honestly, I'm not even asking about me specifically. Just in general. What are your feelings about marriage?"

"Oh," I said, unable to hide the relief in my voice. "Umm, I never thought about it too much. I think I'd like to get married though. I kind of like the idea of being someone's wife someday. How about you?"

"Hmm, I don't think I'd like to be anyone's wife."

"Jack!" I said, shoving him playfully.

He laughed. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Honestly, I never thought about it much either. I never even imagined I'd get this far."

"This far?"

"An actual relationship," he said, shrugging. "Of course, I was more hopeful when I was younger. As I mentioned before, there were a couple short flings, but that's all they ever became. Any woman I was even halfway interested in would be gone by the next time I came around. After a while, I think I accepted the idea that a real relationship wasn't in the cards for me."

"You gave up?" I asked.

"I thought of it more as 'accepting reality,' but yes," he sighed. "My opportunities to meet women were limited enough. My opportunity to meet one that would accept me seemed like an even more unrealistic goal. Of course, Thomas was very strict about who I could and couldn't see as well."