In My Lover's Mind

Confession

The camera flashed again at that moment. I wasn't sure what surprised me more, it or him. Arthur almost never called me by my name. If he was doing so now, then whatever he wanted to say had to be important.

"What is it?" I asked.

He looked at the ground. His cheeks had a slight blush on them. And he hadn't even started yet. It only made me more curious about what he wanted to say.

"Umm..." He still seemed to be collecting his thoughts. "You see... about our little... disagreement this morning. I, uh..."

Guilt filled me at once. Of course, he'd want to talk about that. Now that I'd had some time to relax and reflect, I realized I'd completely overreacted.

Alright, maybe he'd said something thoughtless, but I didn't need to snap at him the way I did. I could have told him he was being inappropriate. I could have told him he was being rude. Hell, even if I just told him he was making me uncomfortable, he probably would have apologized. I didn't need to get angry at him.

His surly behavior this morning or not, this was Arthur. People weren't exactly his strong suit. Even if he meant something by what he said, I doubted he meant it to sound the way it did. I knew that. I knew him. I should have been more patient with him.

He was still fumbling around with his thoughts. Now was probably as good a time as any to make things right.

"I'm so sorry about what I said this morning," I mumbled.

"What?" He seemed shocked.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you like I did. It was completely uncalled for and I shouldn't have done it."

"Ms. Walton, as I said, you don't need to keep excusing my behavior. I-"

"But I know you didn't mean anything by it," I explained. "I know it isn't easy for you to filter what you're thinking. When you say things that might sound offensive or insulting, I know you're just speaking your mind. You usually don't even realize what you've said until after the fact, and when you do, you're always apologetic. Usually, it doesn't bother me. Honestly, I even find it funny at times, but..." I sighed. "Today... what you said hit a nerve. That's not your fault though.

I have some personal insecurities about my relationship, and my situation with my boyfriends is very unusual, but you have no way of knowing about either of these. At least, not in-depth. I overreacted. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I hope you can forgive me this time."

He stared at me a moment. The camera flashed again. The sudden light seemed to bring him back to life. He crossed his arms and gave a frustrated sigh.

"I can't accept your apology," he grumbled.

I looked at the ground and nodded. "I understand. I-"

"No, you don't," he interrupted. "I'm not saying I can't accept it because I don't accept it. I'm saying I can't accept it because you shouldn't be apologizing at all."

"What?"

Now it was my turn to be confused. He still refused to look at me. He ran his hand through his hair and frowned.

"You said you feel you overreacted because you know I don't usually mean the things I say. That I say them without thinking and quickly apologize when I realize the implications of what I've said, right?" He asked. I nodded. "Well, I'm afraid, in this case, both of those things are incorrect.

You're right when you say I didn't intend to hurt you. I promise I didn't. However, I did fully intend to criticize your relationship with those men, I had no intentions of apologizing for what I'd said afterward, and I did understand that these things might upset you. Not to that degree, mind you, but I knew you would be upset."