In My Lover's Mind

Warmth

My mind was a foggy mess as he led me upstairs. Only the sound of the bedroom door closing behind us brought me back to reality. I could feel my body trembling. He could feel it too.

"Anna," he called softly, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Are you afraid of me?"

I shook my head. "Just... nervous. It's our first time."

"Our first time, or..."

I looked up at him. Our eyes met. The shyness I felt slowly melted away with the warmth of his gaze. I didn't want there to be any misunderstandings today.

"I haven't done this with any of them. Not even Jack," I explained. "You are the first, Victor."

Now it was his turn to get flustered. He looked away and shrugged nonchalantly, but I could see the trace of blush on his skin. I leaned in and pressed my lips to his neck. He jumped a bit, startled by my sudden boldness.

"Are... Are you sure you want it to be me?" He mumbled.

"I'm sure."

He didn't need to be invited twice. He leaned down and lifted me into his arms without saying a word. The way he carried me across the room seemed effortless.

This Victor was different than the rough, impatient Victor I was used to though. He took his time walking across the room. Instead of throwing me onto the bed, he set me on it gently. Again, I got the strange feeling that something was off.

I was sure this was Victor this time, but he seemed different somehow. Quiet, distant, gentle. That definitely wasn't Victor's style. He sat next to me on the bed but didn't move otherwise. I waited a minute, but he didn't try anything.

I reached out and placed my hand on his arm. I felt him tense up. He'd been so eager to get me to the bedroom a moment ago, but now he seemed hesitant to do anything. What changed?

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, yeah," he said, shrugging.

I waited again, but he still didn't move. Was he waiting on me to do something? What should I do exactly?

Images from our last encounter flashed through my mind. I blushed slightly at the memory. Gingerly, I slid my hand from his arm to his thigh. I noticed a slight twitch in his pants as I did so. He adjusted himself, turning his face away from me. Had I done something wrong?

I was about to ask when I noticed the blush had returned to his face. A thought popped into my head, but I almost laughed at how ridiculous it was. After all, this was Victor. Still, I couldn't help but wonder about it.

"Victor?"

"Hmm?" He hummed in response.

"Are you... nervous?" I asked skeptically.

He let out a frustrated sigh and ran his hand through his hair. He was glaring at the ground, but the faint blush was still on his face.

"Of course I'm nervous," he muttered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why? I mean, before we-"

"Before it was just sex," he said, cutting me off. "This is... different. I'm not sure how to do... something more than just sex."

"I imagine it's the same as regular sex, just with more feelings."

"Feelings are what worry me," he sighed, crossing his arms. "Sex is easy. You focus on your pleasure and the other person usually does the same. But this? You have to think about the other person too. What they like, what they don't like, how they feel. It's a pain in the ass."