In My Lover's Mind

Revealed

He kept glaring at the ground, refusing to look at me. I kept my eyes on him. If he wanted to be stubborn, then I could too.

"Come on, Victor. I figured out your little game. Now, what the hell were you thinking?" I asked.

"I was thinking you probably couldn't tell the difference between us," he grumbled.

This again? I felt anger bubbling inside of me. I could deal with his sarcasm and bad attitude. I could deal with him being angry and wanting to avoid me. But this? This was going too far. I didn't care that I'd been waiting for him. I didn't care that I still needed to apologize to him. I was furious.

"So this was, what? All some kind of test? What the fuck, Victor?!" I shouted.

His glare quickly disappeared. He looked up at me with a mixture of shock and fear. I don't know how he thought I'd react, but I certainly don't think he expected this.

I was so angry I was shaking. My mind was a rage-filled fog. I might have hurt him by accident, but he was doing this on purpose! Did he really hate me that much now?

"What is this," I continued, "some kind of revenge for what happened last time? Are you trying to torment me or something?"

"I-"

"Do you have any idea what I've been going through since you left?!" I cried. "I know you probably think I'm some heartless bitch, but I've been suffering over it! I've been waiting and waiting for you to come back. I've been torturing myself thinking about how badly I screwed things up. I've been agonizing over what I should say to you. What I should do to even begin to try to fix things."

"Anna-"

"And you pull some shit like this! What the hell?! What was your plan? Do some big reveal at the end of the day to make me feel even worse? Or is this your way of trying to avoid me? Hide in plain sight?"

"No, Anna, I-"

"Look, if you hate me now, then fine. Let me know you're around and I'll lock myself in my room all day or something. I won't talk to you, I won't bother you, I won't do anything. If you want me to keep away from you, then I will, but don't... don't do... this."

My anger faded as quickly as it appeared. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. My voice cracked as it tried to force its way through.

"Don't lie to me," I almost begged. "Don't make me think you're someone you're not. I know you're not him. I know that now. I do."

I don't know who I was trying to convince more, him or myself. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I didn't have the right to cry in front of him. I was the one who hurt him. What the hell was I crying for?

It was no use though. A tiny sob escaped my throat and the tears followed after it. They poured down my cheeks. I tried my best to stifle my sobs while I wiped them away, but all I managed to do was get the rest of my face wet. My heart hurt. It felt like the tears would never stop.

Another pair of hands appeared to wipe them away. They seemed almost as desperate as my own. Victor was leaning down in front of me. His eyes were full of panic as he did his best to dry my cheeks.

"Anna, Anna, shh," he tried shushing me gently. "It's alright, it's alright. I'm sorry. Please, don't cry. Please. It's okay."

"Don't apologize!" I managed to cry out between sobs. "I was the one who screwed up. Why are you apologizing?"

He sighed and tugged at my wrists gently, leading me to stand up. I let him drag me. My body was too weak to fight back. He sat in my chair and pulled me into his lap. He hugged me close to his chest, rubbing my back gently. He shushed me until my sobs turned to whimpers.