Almost Home

Chapter Three

Keep busy. That's what everyone keeps telling me to do. "If you keep yourself busy then you won't have time to even think about him". But it's not that easy. Everywhere I turn I'm reminded of Nathan; the park, the shopping centre, the library...all of these are places we went together. Even taking a simple trip to the supermarket I'm met with a ghost from our past and I can't stop the pain I feel every time it happens, but as mum says, "You need to carry on as normal. You can't let him know he's won".

But that's the problem, he has won. Because he's okay and I spend my days looking over my shoulder, praying that I don't see him with anyone else.

I'm terrified of leaving the house lately because one of these days I'm going to bump into him. I know that it's going to happen. We dated for years and it's a small town we live in so I can't expect to avoid him altogether. I have no idea what I'd even say to him if I did, just smile and pretend that the months away from him have already healed my broken heart. Make small talk for a while about this and that, hoping that he couldn't see how much pain he's caused me. I know I'll see him soon, it's like a ticking time bomb. Because he's back.

I haven't told anybody, not even my best friend Sam, but he's been trying to contact me.

I'd not heard a peep from him for over two months and I was just starting to regain some control over my life again when the first call came through. I'd ignored it, holding my phone in my hands with a heart that was beating so fast I thought it was going to burst straight out of my ribcage and when he'd left an answerphone message afterwards, I'd listened to it. Listened to all of his excuses and all of his apologies, listened to him beg for another chance. And then another call came through a day later, and another and another and I listened to them all.

I didn't have the heart to block him. I think in a sick way I liked hearing him grovelling because finally I felt like the one in control for once. But when he'd appeared at my work almost a fortnight ago, begging Alfie to let him past so he could speak to me, that was when I'd cracked. Although I'd been in the kitchen and hadn't actually seen him, it had been enough to make me spend the evening scouring the internet for new job positions, desperate not to be put in that situation again. But the thing was, I didn't want to get a new job. I liked working in the café, it was comfortable and close to home. And I loved being close to home.

I'll just keep checking over my shoulder and hopefully one day, he'll finally give up.

'You're quiet tonight, honey. Are you okay?' Mum grabs my hand across the dinner table and gives it a squeeze.

I put my cutlery down, not having much of an appetite. I knew I'd been quiet since we'd got back from town a few hours ago but I didn't want to talk to mum about it. I hated seeing her upset. After bumping into Sophia and hearing all about her exciting life with her career in Oxford I couldn't help but compare myself to her. She looked so beautiful and confident, and she was the one Nathan had wanted after all. He'd probably only started dating me to make her jealous and that has left me feeling incredibly deflated. But I wasn't going to voice any of this out loud. It would only cause more problems.

'I'm sorry. I don't know...I'm just a bit tired. It's been a long few weeks but I'm fine.' I flash her a weak smile. 'Hey, did you see number seventeen down the road, it looks like it's finally been sold. I wonder who our new neighbours will be?'

'I saw the sold sign, I do hope -'

But a noise from outside stops mum mid-conversation and we look at each other, wondering who it could be this late at night. When we hear a key in the door mum puts her cup of tea down and quickly stands just as Tom waltzes through the door, throwing his duffle bag down and opening his arms in welcome.