Almost Home

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Oh, how the tables have turned. Today it's me doing everything I can to avoid Jamie and the frustration in him is mounting. If he's not careful Tom is going to realise that something has been going on behind his back and then all hell will let loose and I just wasn't ready for any more drama. There have been too many punches thrown this holiday already.

Jamie wasn't the problem here though, it was me. Me and my stupid jealousy. Steph went out of her way to wind me up last night purely to get a reaction out of me and I fell for it hook, line and sinker, allowing my emotions to get the better of me and now I'm taking it out on the wrong person. I'm a big girl, I know Jamie has been romantic with other women in the past, hell I spent years of my life watching it with my own eyes but I don't want his sexual prowess discussed like some hot topic, open for everyone's personal input. Especially now.

It's my own dumb insecurity that is stopping me from apologising to him right this second but the problem is, I've seen the girls he's dated before, they were all stunning and I can't help but compare myself to them. I don't have hair that falls in soft ringlets down my back or model legs that reach up to my armpits. I'm just Emma. Plain old Emma.

Being in this amazing little bubble in France has given me a false sense of confidence that I haven't felt for a long time; it's been a week of fun, laughter and excitement, but what if we return home and he sees me in my normal little world and realises that I'm not that girl he thinks I am. I'm a waitress...not an adventurous socialite who holidays in ski chalets and is the life of the party.

So instead of sticking my big girl panties on and admitting to Jamie how unassured I really am, I have spent the day glued to the side of Jess and Chloe as we spend another day on the slopes, not allowing him to get anywhere near me and hurting him even more in the process. It was a long tiresome day and after making my excuses when we finally return home, I scoot off to my room, feigning an important call with mum.

* * *

I can't hide out in my room all evening. I'm aware that I've ruined any possibility of reconciling things with Jay after the childish way I'd acted today but I would like to try and make some amends before this holiday is over. I'd like to think maybe we could still be friends. And besides, all I'd had to eat tonight was a granola bar I'd found in the bottom of my rucksack and my stomach was growling.

The chalet was uncommonly silent as I make my way through it and I couldn't help but note how cold it was inside tonight. There was a definite breeze toying with my hair and I wonder to myself if someone had left a window open by mistake. It was only when I reached the living room did I notice the doors to the balcony were thrown open and I spy Jamie leaning on the railing outside, staring thoughtfully off into the distance.

Pulling my cardigan tight around me I step tentatively over the threshold and take a place beside him, sensing the smallest of nods from him in acknowledgement of my arrival and turn my attention to the view before me. And what a view it was. How have I not been out here at night before!? It was spectacular. The chalets dotted along the hills were covered in snow and the stars lit up the sky like Christmas lights. It looked like a scene straight from a Winter Wonderland. I could spend hours out here drinking it all in but I need to get down to business. I have an apology to make and I wasn't looking forward to it.

'I've always loved the night,' Jamie breaks the silence and I turn to face him, relieved that he was at least still speaking to me.

He's staring out across the snowy valley and I can't help but admire his beautiful profile, lit only by the stars and the small string of fairy lights on the balcony railing.

'No matter what has happened during the day, what trials I've had to face, there was always a tomorrow drawing close. The promise of a new day. I've always taken comfort in that.'