Black Light (Naruto)

Chapter 31

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Hikaru couldn't stomach it. 

They were back in Konoha- the bridge having been named, once again, after Naruto and their team on a three-day leave. 

Hikaru could no longer sleep like he had been able to in the Land of Waves. His heart raced with disgust and he more often then not woke up sobbing, privacy seals flashing so he could mourn in peace without Naruto hearing. 

He hated it. 

He wanted to rip the storage scroll off of his leg, but it was permanently there for as long as Hikaru had chakra. His ANBU mask had long been ripped out of it- the minute that he'd gotten home it had been tossed into a corner of his closet. 

He wished he'd never been reminded. He wished that he could've left the moment he'd been reminded of it- not to mention he had a new scar that spanned his abdomen now after the little stunt he'd pulled at Gato's second base. 

Most of all, he wished he'd never been reminded of all of the people he's killed or accidentally killed. Gaara's screams had rang out so loudly the night before that he'd woken up panting and covered in sweat, every single one of his muscles tensed. 

He still couldn't sleep in his bed, and he'd gotten so paranoid that a few dozen weapons littered his room. He'd gone on a single, small mission since the end of Team Seven's break and he'd almost killed the poor guy. 

The Chunin Exams were a month or so away, and Hikaru did not like the foreboding feeling that followed him everywhere he decided to go. He hadn't seen Naruto in a week- too busy trying to find the perfect spot to train and taking missions and avoiding everybody, which surprisingly included Sarutobi himself. 

He was slipping. 

Hikaru could feel himself slipping, but he didn't care enough to catch himself. He didn't care enough to be able to reach out a hand for help because everybody around him would only die anyway, and they were already dead in his mind. 

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Hikaru leaned against a tree in the Forest of Death, the bark rough enough to keep him awake. He was less than a kilometer away from the tower, but there was nothing loud in the forest around him. Sure, there was birds but they'd quickly learned to shut up after he tossed a few kunai. 

He just wanted a quiet place to think. 

But, right now, his thoughts were being overwhelmed with thoughts of visiting graves. Kakashi's grave from his timeline wasn't far from here, but Hikaru wouldn't be able to stomach the sight of not seeing the freshly overturned earth or even being able to tell exactly where the patch of lilies grew that Hikaru had always put on his grave. 

He sighed, before jumping off of the branch and heading back into Konoha. His mind was wandering- he didn't hear the shoutings of challeges until it was much too close, and for an instant he was a genin in his timeline again. 

Hikaru roughly snapped himself back into the present, dodging a green-and-orange flash, continuing on his way. 

"Wait! Kakashi!" Gai's shout of outrage echoed behind him, and Hikaru glanced behind him and met Kakashi's eyes. 

"No." Kakashi croaked, a thin stream of blood falling from his lips, and then he was gone.

Hikaru looked away, trying to walk faster, anything but facing Kakashi right now. Or, frankly, anybody he knew. He twisted through the streets, heading back towards his apartment. He could lose Kakashi there- he knew that he wouldn't show up without asking first? Maybe?