𝐃𝐎 𝐈𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐆

66

Even while Toni was shooting the shit with me, catching me up on the runarounds and showing me pictures of his two kids, Prynce and Parys, all I could think about was Ana, where the fuck she was and what was going on with her. On all accounts, I'm not making excuses for her but I know out of everybody that Kandi wasn't the best mama but she talked highly of her children when you caught her in her right mind.

She always praised Ana for being smart, beautiful, strong, and determined. Shit, I remember one time when I was chilling outside of Ana house I overheard her talking to one of her friends on the phone and, even when she was bragging on Ana, you could hear how sad she was.

My baby gon' make it outta here and she going to be everything I couldn't or wouldn't be, I promise you dat shit!

I had clenched my jaw at the thought that the girl I was in love with at one point, despite my fuck nigga ways, was getting turned out by some nigga who supposed Uncle got killed at the hands of his hoe, my ex's mama.

Blowing out an imaginary cloud of smoke, I shook my head right in the middle of Toni talking about business in Atlanta.

"You good, youngin'? You need some water or something?" before I could even say anything, Toni was digging in his pocket to fish through the roll of 20s for some singles. He always took care of the city kids at the park, buying them lunches and shit after practice and treating them to Ruth Chris after a winning game. That nigga made me want to be a man like that to my kids one day.

"Nah, i'm good." I held my hand up in decline. "Just thinking."

"Thinking 'bout my daughter?" Toni's shoulders fell at the mention of Ana. He clasped his hands into eachother and took a long breath, almost like he had been holding it in for some time now.

Too much time, actually.

"And you said she ain't been out here to see you, not once?"

My eyes squinted in the outer corners as that surge of disappointment coursed through my veins and up the back of my neck.

"Nah." I responded with a cold disposition. As I sat there, scratching my earlobe to ease the tension, I got angry.

I was always the cheerful nigga or the one playing games so everyone could get a laugh, but it hit me in waves at the fact Ana essentially the reason I'm locked up and she ain't even come to see me. Not once.

"Not once." I repeated the thought out loud and that shit only made the hair on my arm stand up straight.

"I know that shit fucking with you." It was like Toni could read the room with his eyes closed. "I done fucked many of women who I thought was A1 day 1 material just for them to block my county calls and pop up to come see me with a fucking baby in they stomach. Shit be crazy how, when they care about you, or at least show it, when shit turn around and you on your ass you gotta watch behind plexiglass as life passes you by while you still stuck in that same state as when you got locked up."

"Like you in a parallel universe or some shit." Toni reached out and held my hand firm for a quick second before the officers could take notice as to what was going on. "

Don't worry bout shit but getting out of here. Shit, if you gotta pen pal one of them lonely broads to get you through your stay, do that shit. But, lemme tell you son, and this just me being a man speaking to another man, if a woman don't care 'bout you you gotta move on cause you going to be chasing a shadow for a long time hoping it be brought to the light."

I looked up at Toni, his dark eyes smoldering with a fatherly concern in them. I had to look away cause it made me think of my daddy, who been locked up since before I was born and still up in Stuart County somewhere behind bars. I been a father figure to every body, steering them in the right path and taking care of them like I wasn't taken care of and to have the roles reversed and be vulnerable and shit, it- it-

"Man, shit crazy dawg-" I choked on my words, the corners of my eyes burning as a salty mist coated my vision.

"I loved Ana. Loved her so much that I took this fuckin' charge and she ain't even come see a nigga. Not once. Not a letter or nothing, my g. And that- that shit-" my voice cracked and all I could do was press my hands to my eyes to block the flow from coming. The metallic smell from the handcuffs on my wrists mixing with my tears as they ran down my cheeks and across my bottom lip.

"That shit hurts, my nigga. Cause I wouldn't do no shit like that to nobody. Especially if I was the reason they fuckin' locked up."

I been in the county jail for almost 7 months now and for 7 months I seen Toni, my mama, my homeboys, even fuckin' Jamie. And that shit, that Pain, Was starting to wrap its arms around me and pull me close. Too fucking close to the point I couldn't breathe. How, I was underwater and as much as I tried to float to the surface it kept moving further and further away.

But I kept swimming. Kept tryna reach the top. Swallowing gallon after gallon of water I kept fucking swimming.

"I know, son. But you gotta focus on getting out of here. Don't be worrying about no woman while you facing the chair."

I nodded, silently. As g-code as I wanted to be with this shit, I had to keep the path clear. And I had to get the fuck outta here.

"Say man, I need some favors on the outside, if you can help."

"You ain't even gotta ask. What's up?"

I looked to the left and to the right to make sure everybody was in their own conversation before I proceeded to lean forward.

"There's a nigga in here, name is Sharpz. Apparently his babymama, Sparkle, know of this nigga Cut. See if the streets is talking 'bout anything and maybe you'll be able to get closer to Ana."

Me and Toni leaned back in our seats, jaws clenched. I wasn't about to lay down and let this shit fuck with me. I needed to find out what the deal was on all sides to really know what i'm facing.

Life or death, I want to see it coming.