Forget-me-not

Seungmin

"Okay, I think that's good. We can stop and move on t-" 

"No, it's not good enough. Let's do it again. I didn't hit the note the way I wanted to." 

Chan and Changbin shared a concerned look with each other. On the back couch, even Han looked worried. The three of them were in the recording studio with Seungmin in the recording booth. It was the first day Seungmin was back from his hiatus. 

The other guys had finished their recordings within a half hour. Ever since Seungmin started, they'd been recording with him for over an hour. He wasn't happy with how he was singing. The three of them thought he was fine, but Seungmin didn't think so. He felt that his voice sounded too strained. 

He stopped attending his vocal lessons on his hiatus and now he was regretting it. The guys kept insisting his voice was fine, but he refused to believe it. He thought they were just going easy on him because he had been so fragile throughout this whole ordeal. 

Chan reset the track and hit a button, so Seungmin could hear him. "Alright, let's do one more take." He let go of the button and hit play. 

A soft ballad filled Seungmin's ears. He let his eyes slip shut and he began singing. All the emotions he had been locking away came out in his voice. Like a songbird, his melodic voice captured the hearts of the guys. 

A sad look filled Chan's face as he watched Seungmin. The guys watched him turn into somewhat of a stranger over the past month. They tried their best, but he knew that Seungmin was holding things back. Seungmin always struggled with being vulnerable. 

He was somewhat open with everyone now, but Chan wasn't dumb. He understood that there was a lot they still didn't understand. Seungmin truly did love Cynthia. He couldn't imagine how it must feel to be forgotten. 

Seungmin finished out the lyrics without a hitch. Chan stopped the recording to save it. Seungmin instantly spoke once more. "Can we run that again?" 

"How about we come back to this another day?" Changbin offered. "We've been at this for a while and you could use a break. Sometimes it's best if we walk away and come back to it with a clear mind. Felix has to re-record another part on Wednesday, so you can do it with him then." 

Seungmin nodded and slipped off the headphones on his head. He balled up the fabric of his sweater sleeves into his hands and exited the recording booth. Han wildly patted the spot next to him on the empty couch. Seungmin walked over and sat down. 

Han leaned over and laid his head on Seungmin's lap. Seungmin ignored him and let his head rest on the arm of the couch. Chan and Changbin mumbled things to themselves. The assistant producers left earlier because they were needed somewhere else. 

Seungmin stayed quiet. There wasn't anything he wanted to talk about. That was how he spent most of his days now. He couldn't be bothered to speak when there was nothing he wanted to talk about. 

Han tugged at the frayed knee of his jeans. He poked Seungmin's bare skin hoping to get a reaction out of him, but nothing happened. He frowned and poked him a little harder hoping to get a scoff or a groan. Seungmin remained silent. 

"So Innie's birthday is coming up soon," Han finally said. He lifted his head off Seungmin's lap. "We need to figure out what we're doing for that." 

Changbin's head perked up and he spun around in his chair. "I found the coolest pair of shoes the other day. I know we usually go out for birthday dinners because they're easier, but I wanted to get them for him." 

He continued explaining and Seungmin stayed silent. He was too in his own head thinking about Cynthia. It was the middle of the afternoon. Was she alone right now? Was she at an occupational therapy appointment? What was she doing? 

His thoughts drifted to her often and he couldn't help it. He was used to knowing what she was doing most of the time. Even though they worked, they usually texted each other back and forth. Seungmin sent her texts during dance practice breaks and between takes in the recording studio. 

Cynthia texted him between customers and when she went to the back room to grab something for customers. The two had everything worked out perfectly. Sometimes they sent photos back and forth. 

A new flower Cynthia learned the meaning of. Seungmin sweaty in the practice mirror. A photo of wildlife that Cynthia snapped on her way to work. Seungmin posing with the guys screwing around in the background. Cynthia with her morning iced caramel coffee. Seungmin with his iced Americano. 

Every photo she sent, even the silly ones, Seungmin saved them. One of his favorites was a selfie she took on the way to work grinning. The yellowed sunlight lit up her face. She had been outside their apartment gardening quite a bit during the summer. 

The sun exposure created extra melanin. Her freckles, you couldn't see unless you were close to her face, were brighter. For once, everyone could see them. He opened her text thread during a dance practice break. 

Felix had been peering over his shoulder. When he saw the photo, he squealed in delight. He was thrilled that someone he knew shared freckles similar to his. He forced Seungmin to talk her into visiting the studio on her lunch break, so he could see her freckles in person. 

When she showed up, Felix demanded to take a selfie with her to capture the moment. Cynthia laughed and agreed while Seungmin complained in the background. It ended with him telling Felix to get his own girlfriend and then he kissed her right there without warning. 

Hyunjin had just opened the door to the room when he saw it. He screamed and shoved a hand over his eyes. Cynthia tore away from Seungmin with bright red cheeks. Hyunjin blabbered about how traumatized he was, Felix laughed, and Seungmin taunted Hyunjin. 

It was a memory he'd never forget. The redness of Cynthia's cheeks, Felix's laughter, and Hyunjin's blatant disgust. It was one of the many memories of Cynthia he'd cherish. 

If he wished hard enough, maybe some bigger power would take pity and let her find him again.