Forget-me-not

Cynthia

A/N: This is kind of a spoiler for this chapter, but it definitely needs to be announced. Major trigger warning for weaponizing suicide.

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The brains of abusers tend to go into overdrive when they feel they're losing control. In the middle of their panic, they will do anything to take back the reins of control. When Flora's eyes met Cynthia's, Flora knew something was wrong. Cynthia was asking questions and Flora couldn't have that happen. If Cynthia found out the truth, she'd be fucked.

Losing Cynthia was a death sentence. After Flora saved up money and left her parents house, she was alone until Cynthia and her became friends. The reality is that people need other people. Humans have always, since the beginning of time, clung to one another.

It's rare to be able to survive without one another. There's strength and safety in numbers. When humans are injured or sick, we rely on others to help us. When we struggle, we surround ourselves with friends and family. Sometimes we even find a brief comfort in the warmth of a stranger.

When humans are hungry, they are notified through hunger cues. The stomach growls and churns indicating that it craves some sort of substance. When humans have a lack of socialization and aren't around people much, there are also cues. The dull ping of isolation, the craving of companionship, and the negative feelings of self-doubt.

Cynthia tended to fill that void of loneliness when it came to Flora. At least, she did until Cynthia moved in with Seungmin. The car accident was a blessing for Flora. Cynthia came back to her and that isolation disappeared again. Flora cherished the emotional connection she had with Cynthia.

If she lost Cynthia, she'd lose the chance to create something more with her. Jealousy was a horrible and terrible thing to lose yourself to. How far would you go for your own sense of self-security? Losing Cynthia meant losing everything and it all would have been for nothing. Flora was determined to not let that happen.

"You don't love me, do you?" Flora weakly got out. The mask of anger on her face cracked into one of sadness. All of her facial features drooped. "I've done so much for you and yet, you just..." She trailed off as tears filled her eyes.

Cynthia's heart lurched at the sudden sight of Flora's vulnerability and she shook her head rapidly. "That's not true, I-I do love you."

"You don't have to pretend anymore, Cynthia, nobody loves me. I'm not good enough for anyone and that includes you." Flora turned away from her with her head down. She began to walk back towards the kitchen.

Cynthia's head spun with confusion. Her eyebrows furrowed for a moment. When Flora disappeared around the hallway corner, she hurried after her. "Wait! Flora, seriously, I never meant to hurt you! I won't do it again, I promise!"

By the time she rounded the corner, Flora was already on her way to the kitchen drawer. She yanked one open and shoved a few objects around with clanks. Cynthia started to approach her from behind. The pads of her bare feet slapped the tile floor.

"What are yo-" She froze as Flora whirled around with a large butcher's knife. Time stopped and so did her heart. Goosebumps slowly inched up her arms. "What are you doing?" Her voice shook with fear.

"Nobody loves me." Flora's eyes were full of tears. A few stray tears trickled down her cheeks. She shifted the knife and applied the blade to her throat. "So why should I stay? Why shouldn't I slit my throat right here and right now?"

"F-Flora," some of Cynthia's own tears began to fill her eyes. She didn't know what kind of chaos would happen if Flora killed herself. If the cops came, would they think she had something to do with it? Would they charge her with Flora's murder even if she didn't do anything? Her breathing began to pick up and she took a step closer.

"Don't!" Flora barked. Her hand shook with the cold blade against her skin. The teeth of the blade bit against her tender flesh. All it took was pressure and a swipe to end it all.

"Please, put the knife down."

"Why?"

"We can talk about this. We can talk things through together. Please, please, please," a tear fell down her cheek, "don't do this. I-I don't want you to die."

"You don't love me."

Cynthia shook her head, "I do! I do, I swear, I do! You're scaring me, so please put the knife down!"

Flora didn't respond. The only sound was of Cynthia's sniffles and Flora's unsteady breath. Cynthia didn't know what she could do to stop Flora since she wouldn't let her approach her. All she had were her words, but they didn't seem to be working.

The knife remained up against Flora's throat. Taking in Cynthia's tears and eyes of desperation, she realized that Cynthia really did care about her. She never planned on taking her life. She only wanted to freak Cynthia out. She couldn't and she wouldn't lose her again.

"Please don't leave me," Flora said. "I don't want to be alone. I can't live without you."

"Flora, I-" Cynthia cut off when she saw the skin along Flora's neck move. She was pressing the knife harder into her neck. "I-I won't leave. I won't leave, just put the knife down."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Flora finally pulled the knife away from her throat. Cynthia rushed over, ripped it from her hand, and threw it behind her. She jerked Flora into her arms and Flora burst into ugly sobs. Cynthia forced her own sobs back.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I won't leave and I won't go anywhere. I'm not going to leave you."

Flora buried her head into Cynthia's chest. Her warm tears soaked her shirt. Her arms wrapped around her waist and Cynthia returned the gesture. She shut her eyes and let out a sigh of relief. At least, Flora was still alive. The guilt that she'd be left with, if Flora truly killed herself, would be omnipotent.

She wasn't sure how she'd be able to recover from that. She didn't like the idea of seeing blood. Flora with her throat slit was something she'd never be able to handle. It'd keep her awake at night. She already had occasional nightmares and flashbacks from the car accident. The horrors from Flora's potential suicide was something she never wanted to have to deal with.

From now on, she had no choice. She couldn't leave Flora alone in this state of mind. Flora was teetering on the edge of another breakdown. If Flora died due to Cynthia's actions, she'd never be able to forgive herself.

And the phone call to Hyunjin that she made a few minutes prior? It had all been for nothing.