"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said.
Jake...
Charles sang as he washed the dishes: "Dryin' dishes, yeah."
"Man, Charles has been so happy and confident ever since he hooked up with that professor at the Captain's party" Jake said.
"She has tenure, and also has ten years, times two, older than him" you said.
"That sucked" said Rosa.
"It's nice to see him like this" said Amy.
Terry agreed. "He's so confident. This morning, he finally corrected the barista when she called him 'Charlize.' He's been living as 'Charlize Broil for five years."
"It's great. It's all so great. He could take it down, just a smidge" said Jake. "He started singing over a dead guy's body this morning. But whatever, I can handle the singing. I'm just so happy for that guy. It's about time he caught a break."
"The sexy train is leaving the station" said Charles, grabbing his jacket and walking towards the elevator. "Check out this caboose. Later, sluts."
"Just let him have it" you said.
"Great job, Boyle" called Jake as the elevator door closed.
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"Peralta, l/n, where are we with the black cab hold-ups?" asked Terry.
"Well -" you started to say.
"I got this, Jakey and your/nickname" said Charles, standing up and walking towards the screen.
"Oh, all right. Have at it, man" Jake said, surprised.
"Nice jeans, Boyle. Those are surprisingly low-waisted" said Gina.
"Eyes up here, Gina. I'm more than just a piece of ass" Charles said.
Gina chuckled. "Not bad, not bad."
"An unlicensed cab driver has been picking up tourists. Driver takes the vics down under the B.Q.E, robs 'em at gunpoint, leaves them stranded" explained Charles. "Unfortunately, because they're tourists, and our perp is not Caucasian, we don't have a clear idea of what he looks like. We'll go undercover, dress as out-of-towners, hope the perp picks us up. Don't worry, Sarge, we'll nail this guy."
"I can't believe I was just briefly attracted to Boyle" complained Gina. "Ugh. Ugh!"
------------------
You and Jake walked into the break room.
"How'd the interview with the victim go?" you asked.
"It went okay. The guy was from Canada, said it was probably his fault for getting robbed, and apologized for wasting my time" answered Charles.
"Oh, Canada. Truly Odie to America's Garfield" said Jake. "Hey, what are you guys doing tomorrow night? I think I can get us some Nets tickets."
"No-go, Amigo. Tomorrow is Vivi's and my big twenty day anniversary" Charles said. "I'm pulling out all the stops. Dinner at Le Bonbon with 300 roses at the table."
"Oh, man" you said quietly.
"Then a gondala ride along the Gowanus Canal. And then a skywriter's gonna write 'Charles loves V.' I couldn't afford her full name" continued Charles.
"Okay, first of all 'Charles loves V' means something very specific and, I'm gonna guess, not what you're intending. But more importantly, you're going Full Boyle" said Jake.
Charles scoffed. "What? I am not."
"What's Full Boyle?" Scully asked.
"Anytime Charles gets into a new relationship, he gets way too intense, way too fast, and it always ends in heartbreak" you explained.
"I know when I'm going Full Boyle. Trust me, this is different. I have it under control. Gotta go, Jakey and your/nickname" said Charles.
--------------
"Yes, I wanted to inquire about renting out the Statue of Liberty for a romantic evening? Mm-hmm. Is there a bed in the torch? No? Okay, I'll get back to you" asked Charles into his phone as he fiddled with a model of the Statue of Liberty.
"Hey there, Charles" you said. "Me and Jake thought that we should have a little chat about how crazy you're acting, and how you're blowing this beyond repair."
"Are you really qualified to give romantic advice?" asked Amy, walking over. "Jake isn't really the King of of mature relationships."
Jake considered this. "Fair enough. But I would argue that I am like a beautiful angel of love, who has trouble finding love for himself. Admit that you would see that movie."
"I would" you said.
"Thank you for your honesty. But this is not about me, this is about Charles. I've seen this before, buddy, and it is bad" said Jake.
"Jake, y/n, I'm nowhere near Full Boyle" said Charles.
"Then prove it. Just push your anniversary dinner one night. Say, 'Vivian, tomorrow doesn't work for me. Can we reschedule?'" you suggested.
"If this will convince you, more than happy. No problem" said Charles.
"Great" said Jake.
"Voicemail. God, I love how she says the words 'You've reached'" said Charles. "Hi, Vivi, It's Chucklebunny."
"Oof" Amy said.
"I'm just calling about dinner tomorrow. I can't wait to see you, my little luscious little breakfast quiche. I just want to draw you a bubble bath and spoon feed you caviar. I think we should open up a joint checking account. I love you - What am I doing?" said Charles.
"It's okay. I hung up right after 'Chucklebunny'" Jake said.
"Help me. I've gone Full Boyle" Charles said, horrified.
---------------
The next day, you, Jake and Charles were stood in the area where all the important and dangerous weapons were kept putting on tourist like outfits.
"All right, let's go over our disguises" said Jake, putting on a blue and orange hat. "I am Herbert Goffleman from San Diego. I came to stand in the cold outside The Today Show, holding a sign with a misspelled word on it. Oh, you know what? You win. That neon green fanny pack screams 'gullible tourist.'"
"It's mine, I brought it from home. Hey, can I have my phone back, please?" asked Charles.
"Uh, no, because you will call Vivian and you have the worst case of Full Boyle I've ever seen" you said.
"What?" said Charles, confused.
You held up a board with some paper on. "I found this by the way. You wrote 'Mr Charles Ludley' over a thousand times. Why would you take her last name, Boyle?"
"Look. For the past two years, I've been directing all my love at Rosa. So my emotions just piled up. And now with Vivian, my feelings are spraying out of me like a fire hose" said Charles.
"Oh, that is overtly sexual" Jake said.
"Jake, y/n, I'm going to ruin it. You gotta help me" Charles said.
"All right, here's the plan. Me and y/n will text Vivian from your phone and tell her you want it to be a double date with us. That way, we can come with you and hold your hand" said Jake.
"Well, then, your hand will be on her butt because my hand will be on her butt" said Charles.
You groaned. "You got to get it together, Charles."
