Lost - Rafe Cameron

Chapter Twenty-Eight

It's been a week since everything went down. Today was the last day of Summer. I spent most of time with my parents the last week. I'd hung out with Topper quite a bit as well. Our families had whisked us off to HawksNest for four days and it was honestly exactly what I needed.

I hadn't seen JJ since our kiss that night, but I was excited to. I finish drinking my coffee and check the time. Sarah was supposed to pick me up to check out a new boutique store in town today.

I hear her horn outside and I grab my things. We chat about the school term coming up and how it was our final year.

About five minutes into the drive I ask her why we're headed towards the Pariz. She tells me it's because she left her wallet there last night.

It somehow scared me to be back here. I try not to think too much of it as we're in the elevator on the way up there. This place reminded of Rafe way too much. The only memories I had here, were of him. I get out of the elevator when the doors open and walk inside.

I furrow my brows when I see Rafe's Jeep keys on the counter. I turn around and see Sarah backing into the elevator, the doors closing.

"Just talk to him Ev." She says. Before I can even speak the doors shut and she's gone. I turn around and see Rafe walk out of the room.

His face softens when he sees me. "Ev." He says and I shake my head. "I don't want to talk to you right now." I tell him trying to stay as calm as possible.

"I know, but I'm leaving today-" He begins and I cut him off. "So?" I snap at him. He gulps at how hostile I'm being.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry." He begins and I stare at the floor. Somehow the pattern in the marble tile seemed more interesting than whatever Rafe had to say.

"I'm getting clean and I'm just trying to be better." He says softly. I don't respond. "Dad took me back- I promised him to do better for everyone and uh- I'm not going back to college just yet, I'm doing 60 days at a centre first." He says.

This makes me look up at once. Rafe getting help was something I never saw coming. I realize how serious he is being about this.

"I'm not making any excuses for what I've done. I know no one forced this addiction, I brought it upon myself, along with everything that has happened. I'm addicted to anything that makes me feel alive, too bad my heart only beats when I'm scared." He says.

"I'm glad you're getting help." I say softly. He nods and smiles at me. Rafe's addiction was the cause of 90% of the problems we had. It made our relationship too toxic for me to stick around. The only real chance Rafe and I had, was if he could be free from it forever. "I'm going to be better Ev." He tells me. "I promise you."

"But uh- I understand if you never talk to me again. I understand that you promised me you'd never leave me like this but I also know, I promised my dad I'd get clean a year ago and my dad promised he'd never get violent again when I was fifteen and that sometimes the tide starts to rise at noon and that somewhere it snows in the middle of April and so I understand that people change their minds when they aren't supposed to." Rafe tells me.

I look up at him. "You think I was wrong to leave?" I ask him. He shakes his head. "I know you had to. I don't blame you." He tells me.

I notice his voice breaking up a little. "This Summer was-" He begins and I cut him off. "A regret." I say. He looks at me before shaking his head.

"And that's just it. I don't regret a thing, that I met you- that I loved you. That I still love you. If I were to meet you again even knowing what the fuck awaited me, I'd definitely fall in love with you again." He tells me.

"I know I let you down. And I could never say sorry enough. I'll always love you, you know." He says.

Right then, I wanted to go back in time and relive every moment with him. One more secret smile. One more shared laugh. One more electric kiss. Finding him was like finding someone I didn't know I was searching for.

"I will always care for you, even if we're not together and even if we are far, far away from each other." I say to him softly. I watch his eyes carefully try to read mine.

I knew what I said meant a lot to him. I knew he felt like he had let everyone down and no one loved him anymore. But that wasn't the truth. I loved Rafe immensely, I just couldn't be around him right now.

His eyes are full of tears and he looks more numb than ever. "Don't leave me Ev." He begs, his voice breaking a little. This kills me, I actually begin to feel a physical pain in my chest.

"I don't want to do this alone," He says. I close my eyes. Should we go into it together? If I go into it with him, I will never come out.

I watch him as I feel a tear hit my cheek. "I hope you get the help you need Rafe." I say. He nods. We are quiet for a moment. Silence, I discover, is something you can actually hear.

I don't leave or say anything, I knew these would be the last few moments we would be around each other, and I'd like to linger here for a while more.

"Bye Rafe." I say softly as I turn towards the elevator. The doors open and I step inside. I look up at him, watching me leave.

"Bye Ev." I hear him say just as the doors close.

If I had told myself what this Summer would entail at the very beginning, I wouldn't have believed a word.

It's crazy to think that two months ago I was sitting there at the Cameron's dinner table, excited to see Rafe back from college. And here I was, saying goodbye to him and what felt like half my heart.

Some people will never fit into your life, no matter how much you want them to. I'd learnt so much this Summer, more than I learnt in any school year.

I knew that how you're treated is more important than how much you like someone and that even at your best, you will never be right for the wrong person.

Summer breeze pushed us together, winter winds tore us apart, as poetic as it sounds. It felt like I'd found him in one day, and lost him the next.

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THAT WAS A ROLLERCOASTER.

I am so psyched to have actually finished my first book EVER.

The good news,

A SEQUEL IS ALREADY IN THE WORKS!

I will be publishing the first chapter super soon.

THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS <3 ILY