PECULIAR (✓)

20. Arguments

After catching a cab and returning back to my apartment, I try to process everything and fail. We were never gonna work, we both have too many issues.

I look down at the 'Pride and Prejudice' book he got me, when he was my sweet Cass, not the person I saw in the club. He seemed so scary as 'James', so they called him.

Looking at the book my hands started to shake as I tried to hold back the tears, but my thoughts kept drifting back to the girls around him, his cold glances and the day he got hurt.

Unable to take it all I throw the book with a slight scream, causing a vase to fall and break. Tired of it all, I lean against the door and cry.

I cry for him, I cry for us. There's no way I could support this maddening game he was playing with such dangerous people. Nor could I watch him get hurt again.

Silently crying is a gift I've crafted since my teen years, whenever my mother would insult me, I would go to my room and scream in silence then go about my day as if nothing happened. I didn't ever want to give my mother more ammo by letting her know I have been crying, I never wanted her to know I was weak.

In all honestly, I think for at least 2 years straight I cried in my room everyday, it lessened for a bit but then stopped completely when I met him.

Mulling this ever, I can't help but let out a slight sob momentairily losing my breath slightly. He made me feel so good and happy, yet I've also never felt pain like this.

He brought to such good new heights, just to drop me and make me crash lower than before.

Suddenly, I hear banging on my door making me jump.

"Alettra please open the door."

His voice makes my hot tears run faster down my face. Emotionally, I feel too tired for all of this.

"Alettra, please baby." His voice slightly cracking makes my heart ache.

Cassius Ardent is my kyptonite, and I can't have that, so I spend a moment to steel myself, letting my shoulder and head stiffen up. Hoping my voice wouldn't betray me I say, "Whatever, you need to say, you can say it from that side of the door Cassius or James, whichever you prefer?"

My voice is robotic and emotionless, like my mother's voice gets when she speaks to my father, no softness, no love. My face is in too much pain to move, so I just lean back against the door.

"It's not what you think at all, I wasn't cheating on you, Alet-", but I just cut him off with a bitter laugh.

"Wow, have you always thought I was this dumb?", he trys to gain control of the conversation but I don't let up...

"This is all about your brother Cyrus, isn't it?" The silence confirms this.

"Can I know which one of those men in the club gave your brother the drugs that night, or is that priviliged information as well?"

"Alettra, please?"

"No Cass I nee-I mean Cassius I want answers."

After a few seconds, he finally speaks, "I would feel more comfortable speaking about this inside please." My tears threatening to start again, I push them back and making sure I seem decent I open the door.

His prior styled hair is now a complete mess, his brown locks pointing in every direction and his eyes are red and glistening with tears. My heart tenses but only for a moment.

I let him come in and his eyes survey the book and the broken vase, from my prior moment of weakness. He looks at me but doesn't say anything, but he trys to reach out for my hand but I pull it away. His crestfallen expression makes me want to hug him but I can't.

"If you get what I'm doing Alettra, why are you mad at me?"

"What if one day, you never came back to me... You were in an alley somewhere hurt or worse dead, and I knew nothing, shouldn't that upset me?"

His beautiful face frowns but I carry on, "Or should I be mad that you didn't trust me enough to tell me anything about your whole James persona or vendetta?"

He looks at the floor jaw clenched but argues pathetically back, "I would have been fine."

"Oh, I'm sorry Superman, I didn't know you were bullet-proof... but wait a minute your definitely not stab proof through, are you?"

I know this is bordering a line of unnesscary meaness but I need him to leave, my heart hurts to much.

So I ended with the final blow, "If I asked you to stop and end this revenge game, if I got on my knees and pleaded, cried and begged with you not to do this anymore, would you?"

"No."

I already knew his answer but his quickness of it broke me further, I don't know how I'm currently even still standing.

"Even if I say that if anything happens to you, I wouldn't be able to take it?"

He looks down but then stares but me intensely... "I love you, Alettra"

"It's not enough, when you don't trust me", I counter, disappointed.

"I don't want to be without you please, I'll be empty again."

"Don't worry there are better girls at that club anyway that would be more than happy to fill that void, maybe better than me", I know the flirting was for a cover but it still pained me and he must have known that.

"You knew I was watching and you still let that pretty girl sit on your lap, that's how little you think of me, judging by the state of your hair, I'm guessing you did more with her than what I saw, but hey all in the name of a revenge operation."

He looks down and just blinks trying to keep his tears at bay, doing a terrible job.

We not ready for eachother, but my heart reminds me that we are right for eachother through.

I open the door and signal for him to leave, not daring to met his eyes. He goes to leave but stops level with me, "I did play with those girls at the club before I met you, but stopped as soon as I stared into those beautiful brown eyes of yours, you have bewitched me from the start."

I don't look at him or say anything, wanting to just go to bed, for this day to be over. He sighs and leaves saying something that makes me lose my breath... He knew.

"Please eat well, and you're right you deserve better because you Alettra Reddy are the best."

My thoughts reply back silently.

No I'm not.