I've been in Greece for 3 months now, and I'm still in awe of this country. The museum has let me lead in many projects, and I'm finding my rhythm here.
The first month was the most difficult, I was extremely homesick. My therapist here threatened to put me in an inpatient program due to my low weight, which was enough to get me to start eating again.
I still feel physically off, I'm still being nauseous quite often, but my doctors assured me it was normal. Especially, since it was most probably due to my stomach being confused from the new foods I'm eating. I have gained more weight than before, but I try not to think about it. As long as I'm healthy.
My latest project is to produce an exhibition about piracy in 19th century Italy. It was riveting, it didn't even feel like work, most of the time.
After spending the whole day at work, I get up from my desk shaking slightly, my legs numb. Maybe I've been sitting down for too long? My head starts to feel heavy, leading to my breathing quickening. My vision becomes cloudy, throat tight , and all I think about is how scared I feel, as a sway, before total darkness consumes me.
Well, I forgot the joys of waking up in a hospital.
For God's sake. Again.
My ED doctor walks in with a smile, confusing me. I just fainted, surely this isn't a good thing. My doctor takes my chart still not looking at me, making me narrow my eyes at him. "So do you want the good news or the bad news first, Miss Reddy."
I ask for the bad news first, remembering Cass' words, always allow yourself to magnify the good, so let's get the bad stuff out of the way. "Your recovery is going to be a lot harder from now on." I looked at him confused, everything was hard enough as it is. "Now on to good news, you are 3 months pregnant, Miss Reddy."
"I'll give you a moment."
Wait, what? Did I hear that correctly? Pregnant? Me?
Wide eyed, I stared at the wall, trying to process what he just said. It can't be. My periods were gone from the lack of nutrition I put my body through my whole life. I mean I did get them but it was irregular to the point I stopped tracking it. I always thought it would be difficult for me to get pregnant but here I am.
I shakily put my hand on my stomach still not understanding anything. I'm gonna have a baby. It makes sense why I was rapidly gaining weight, I was growing a human. I think back to Liz when she was 3 months pregnant, her stomach was so much bigger. Was I doing something wrong? All this time starving myself, I was putting my baby in danger.
What if it doesn't survive? What if I'm making it suffer? Tears roll down my face as I realised, I was not only killing myself, but my child. I'm not the most motherly, but I would never want to hurt my baby. I'm already the worst mother. I can't do this. These 3 months have been horrible, but I've managed, but with a baby. The pressure is high.
My body slumps down, already feeling drained. Weak and my eyes burning from the white walls and bright lights of the hospital. While waking up, I see a nurse come into my room and say something that instantly energises me.
"...Mr Ardent." Wait, what? Quickly, I scramble off the bed and see the nurse on the phone while looking at my file, which has Cassius' number on it.
Oh God, she's telling him I collapsed. Scared, I wrestle with the nurse apologising. It's a fight of tug of war between us for a bit, so I cover the mic of the phone and tell her it's bad to fight with a pregnant woman, learning that from Liz. The nurse instantly lets go, and I stare at the phone, fearful. I'm going to speak to the love of my love for the first time in three months. The father of my child... Oh no.
I say hi, hoping to hear his beautiful voice on the other side. I need his voice because right now my mind is going hundreds of miles per hour. He's my peace.
"Forget that Alettra, what's this about you fainting? Are you okay?" I laugh at his frazzled tone, he still worries, still cares.
He would be a great dad.
Tears threaten to fall but I push them away, hoping my voice doesn't give away my fragile state at the moment. I spun a lie, something to do with my blood pressure, but momentarily fell into familiar habits. I almost called him Sweetheart, what's wrong with me? I softly tap the phone against my head, hoping I could stop acting like a stupid teenager.
I shake slightly seeing the nurse wheel in an ultra scan. What if something is wrong with the baby? My breathing quickens and I say something to Cass but also to myself. "Cass, I'm okay. Everything is going to be okay." It doesn't help my nerves at all, and tears fall down my face. I don't think I can do this.
I ask him to say it back, desperate to hear it come out of his mouth. He does, and I let out a sigh. My body relaxing and my head absorbing what he said.
Everything will be okay. If not now, then later on.
I lay down on the bed staring at the wall, scared of what I will see on the monitor. The nurse applies gel on my stomach and I cringe, due to how unreal everything feels. The nurse looks around then writes sometime down on my file. I look at her, waiting for the news.
"Congratulations Miss Reddy, your baby is healthy and growing well." My heart stops, and my breath quickens. Thank God. I steel myself and look at the screen, and I feel something I wasn't prepared for. It's as if my heart swells, it's a simple ultra scan and I can barely make anything out but it feels right.
What if Cass doesn't even want it? What if he's with someone else, Liz did tell me a new worker at the museum has been flirting with Cassius when he's there. She also tells me Cassius is cold to her ridiculous and obvious attempts at flirting with her.
My doctor comes in looking at the file and smiles, "Well, looks like your baby is a fighter like you, Miss Reddy." His warm words bring a smile to my face, a fighter like me and Cassius. Oh, Cass. What am I supposed to tell him? What if I tell him and I lose it, the chance of miscarriage is higher, but I can't stop myself from falling in love with the tiny human I'm growing. I want to wait and tell him when I go back, I want to carry on doing my outpatient program here and I want this baby.
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PECULIAR (✓)
浪漫Alettra Reddy, a girl who feels as if she is the embodiment of the colour grey, she's boring, awkward and unable to keep any type of relationship. She is riddled with problems, but don't call her peculiar, she hates it with a passion. When she meets...
