Until next time {H.S.}

26. I just didnt want to hurt

A.N.: Hey Darlin we are gettings so darn close to the end ahhhhh. hope you like this chapter. :D

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  I swing the door open dropping my bags at the door. I shove off my shoes in a sloppy mess beside the door. I walk slowly through the house assuming Mackenzie is at work still. I grasp the handle of my bedroom door cool against my palm.

  I close my eyes taking a breath, slowly exhaling.

I shove it open and memories touch me now and I drop to the floor sobbing.

Oh how he had held me here with such tenderness. The softness of his lips on my cheek, my back, my neck, in every place they could be. In every way he had held me my heart and soul in his hands. Though in the end is it not the keepers fault is it not me who let every brick tear from the walls around me as he bulldozed his way in.

  I lay down on my back now starring at a ceiling empty cardboard and posters beneath my bed long before I had left. Why did I not leave my heart here too tucked in between dust bunnies and lost socks.

I felt my tears fall down the sides of my face as I lay. If it wasn't him in every moment that comforted me. I'd do all the things that should fix me.

When you get so used to someone helping you put yourself back together it can be hard to remember how the pieces fit in place.

  I stare far from myself but see nothing at all. I shift my stare to the things around me everything the same yet everything inside of me changed.

  Minutes pass I lay on the floor before I pull myself from the floor. I pull the cover from my sheets getting into bed. I grip the pillow beside me shoving my face into it as I shriek in pain that can't be seen.

I breath in deeply regaining my air and his scent hits my lungs and spreads as a toxin in the air. The smell crowds me as the comforter eludes the vanilla and tobacco.

I roughly stand from the bed tearing the comforter from the bed. I pull the sheet roughly yet it sticks to one corner. I yank it once more and it doesn't come loose my eyes filling and my grip tightening. I lean down to the bed the sheet still in my grasp and unmoving.

  "Please, please." I pull harder the corner of the sheet snapping off the edge.

I toss the sheet as far from me as I can not caring to see where it lands. I crawl onto the empty mattress the pillows skewed but victorious over the other things torn away.

  I crawl to the top of the mattress laying my head against the pillow only to find it to betrays me. My hand grips the cloth and feather tearing it from beneath my head and chucking it. I hear a crash the sound of something possibly broken but I pay no mind.

My hands thread to my hair as I turn laying on my back. Once more the roof greets finds me. My room a shade of grey from a light switch untouched and blinds tightly shut.

My chin wavers as I lay here tears not falling now, but a fan in my view that graces the ceiling. My eyes trace over the grooves of the wood my body unmoving now.

I am utterly shattered.
~~~

She knocks on an old wooden door, I hear  a squeal from beyond the frame. When the door swings open I watch her face fall three stories.

  "Oh my- come here." She pauses as she sees my face. I am wrapped around her before another syllable left her lips. "Tell me everything." I wasn't surprised that she knew from my face or maybe my aura sang broken-hearted at this point. I walk outside of my room to her.