Lover- [Tom Holland×Reader]

29- Can I just hold you now?

Tom's P.O.V

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Filming has been crazy and it's just the first month. I have been using all my free time to rehearse, train and catch up with family. And talking to Y/n hasn't been a part of it. I really want to give her my time but the different time zones have been kicking out butts. Her graduation stuff and college applications have been keeping her busy, according to Sof.

Whenever I call her, she's sleeping and when she calls me, I'm either working or sleeping. It has just been insane.

"Hey beautiful." I greeted Y/n.
"Hey Spidey."
"What's with Spidey?"
"Just felt like it."
I sighed.
"So, what's up?"
"College applications and not talking to my boyfriend for ages."
I closed my eyes as I felt the guilt consume me.
"Love, you know I'm busy-"
"Yeah yeah I know. You're busy."
She was being sarcastic, as always.
"I try my best to manage things-"
"Tom," she cut me off, "I had another panic attack last week."
"You WHAT?" I yelled the 'what'.
"Yeah. It's okay now. Sofia helped."
"She's always the one helping you, Y/n. I'm your boyfriend, I should be able to help you too."
"Maybe you would be able to help me if you weren't in Atlanta for half of our relationship." she sassed.
"For fuck's sake Y/n, try to understand."
"Isn't that like my full time job now? Trying to understand. Why don't you try to understand Tom? I tell people that I have a boyfriend but it certainly doesn't feel like it." she snapped.
"You know how mad it is over here. I'm just trying to do my job."
"Fine. You do your job Tom and I'll do mine."

She hung up before I could say anything. I shouldn't have said that. She was right, all she did was support me and understand my situation. I just wanted to be there for her too and I was going to find a way to do that.

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Y/n's P.O.V

I told everyone, literally everyone I knew about the news. I was over the moon regarding  NYU but not very over the moon about the conversation with Tom.

We sat in my room. I was nervously tapping my foot while Tom was fidgeting with his hands.
"We should atleast try" I blurted out.
"Remember what happened?" he asked.

Back when he was in Atlanta, we had a huge fight and didn't talk or text for 2 whole weeks. I of course did not want that to happen again.

"You'll be in New York. I'll switch from one place to another for my upcoming movies. We'll hardly see each other." he explained.

"Or in other words you want to break up with me? Is that why you actually came back?" I questioned, choking.
"No of course not. Look, I know what you meant now..when you said things would get complicated. I just..I just don't want either of us getting hurt."
I sighed.
"C'mon Tom you're repeating exactly what I said that day. If you didn't want this then you shouldn't have committed in the first place."
"Y/n, with you being in college and my job, we'll never see each other. Is that better than taking a mature decision that suits the situation?"
Tom's voice cracked as he wiped the tears away from his face.

"So let me get this straight, you were the one who insisted on starting this relationship when I warned you that things would get messy and now you want to break up." I slightly raised my voice.
"I don't want to hurt you more than I already have to Y/n. I- I can understand what you meant now. This shouldn't have happened in the first place!" Tom yelled.

I heard my heart drop, crashing into a billion pieces. The tears streamed down my face as I choked. I wanted to speak but nothing came out except "Get out."

Tom left the room at once, leaving me to break down. I gasped for breath, my brain couldn't process what had just happened.

"This shouldn't have happened in the first place!"

Tom's P.O.V

I left Y/n's room with tears welling up in my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. I said something horrible, something I did not mean at all.
And I hated myself for it.

I went into my room and slammed the door. My throat closed up as I broke down on the floor. I loved Y/n, too much for my own good and I couldn't bear to see her get hurt because of me. So I had to do what would be best for us.

Time skip to midnight

I was sitting at my desk, scrolling through our photos when Y/n called.

"Can we talk? Please?" she asked.
Her voice was quivering.
"Yeah- yeah of course. Wanna come over?"

5 minutes later I heard a knock on the door. It felt different because if everything would've been normal, she would have just barged in and got on the bed asking for cuddles. But now, nothing was normal.
"C-Come in."

She sat on the bed, a few meters away from me.
"I didn't mean a word I said in there. These 9 months were the best of my life but..." I trailed off.
"But what Tom?"
"Y/n I-I-"
"Did you ever actually love me Tom? Or was this just a casual fling?" she cut me off.
The hurt, the disappointment could be felt in the way she talked.
"Of course I loved you. I still love you..I always will."
"Then what's the problem, Tom? Because we can make it work if we want to..if we're willing to take a risk, willing to try."
I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. My lips trembled and I let out a small sob.

"I-I don't ever want to hold you back, and I feel like I'm doing that." I finally said.

"I-I do-don't wanna h-h-hold you ba-back either, Tommy." her voice trembled.

"Can I just hold you now?" she pleaded.

I replied with a nod and sat on the bed, engulfing her in a hug as her tears soaked my t-shirt.

My world just crashed in front of my eyes and I was responsible for it.

If you really love someone, you have to let them go one day.

I was letting her go.