Morning Star

Chapter 22

Love, something that stays in you even after you have let it go. Something that lives in memories within you, something that drives you crazy and messes up with your mind. It says fuck you to you and does what it wants, like I did tonight. I have sex with the person that I swore to never forgive. After everything the realization that strikes you when you're in your senses is devastating, it confuses you to whether you love that person or do you hate that person?

I woke up in the middle of night with a sharp headache, the last thing I remember was me dancing on the floor, and then boom! Everything is blur, like someone tried to erase the memories and only the low quality image stayed back. I could remember little things like coming to the room with someone-

Did I say I came with someone?! I looked beside me on the bed and nothing, i got up as quick as lightning and ran to the hall and again nothing, washroom nothing, balcony nothing, kitchen nothing! It seems like it was a dream but the ache between my legs and the marks on my body says otherwise, the white shirt I'm wearing with no bra and underwear says different!

Finally the only place left was the beach, it's midnight 2am so it probably wouldn't be the best time to go out rn but I needed to know who did I have sex with. The last time I had sex was, nevermind, it was in college then why did I go soo naive tonight?!

I grabbed the nearest pair of shorts and put them on and checked outside, for a while there was no one but then there was a man sitting on the sand with his knees to his chest and from behind I couldn't recognize him, he hadn't wore a shirt so it felt positive that it was him.

I walked and said 'hey', he didn't turn around but grabbed my wrist behind him lightly and said to sit. The voice felt familiar but the volume was low. I sat down and looked at my side to find Auster.

"Don't say anything, just listen to me once" I nodded.

"I loved you dearly in college, even after college for years I wished to see you again. I also tried to go to college to meet you but could never gatter the courage to face you. I know I did wrong to you but it was to protect you. When my father got to know about the relationship, he browsed your history, including family history. I didn't tell me but apparently had put people to keep a watch on me. He got to know about the incident with your mother through his files and called me saying to stay away from you, I of course declined it but then he threatened to hurt you if I didn't. I didn't believe, trust me Este, at first that he could anyhow hurt you but then he bought the college, I'm sure you did know that some anonymous bought it and it was my father. He started a new business years ago without anyone knowing and earned immense amounts of money. He threatened to expel you and I know how much this college, the education meant to you. And even you would have chosen your future over me. If I had told you then you would have argued and declined, it would lead to my father doing more vulger things to you. So I decided to tell my father that we broke up prior to the graduation. It was okay, I thought I'll tell you that I'm moving out of the city and so its better that we broke up, it couldn't hurt you as much as it will if I said anything else. My father is at last my father itself so he knew what I was going towards and so he set me up with some Mr.Michele's daughter and said to pretend to be in love with her. That's why I did what I did. I always loved you and envied Clara, kissing was never in the list but when she saw you come in he locked our lips, it came by surprise and I never wanted to kiss her or someone else in general except you."

I tried to understand him, but one doubt was still in me that why would his father put spies on him and why would he say Auster to stay away from me? I asked him these two things and he sighed and turned towards me.

" He had put spies on me to find the perfect timing to ruin me and my career. You know he lost his position because of me, because I proved that he was incapable of the position and so to take revenge he always tried to find the slightest things to backfire me. I didn't know about this until he told me and about the why did he say me to stay away from you was because he feared that if you got to know about the incident of your mother being his mistake, you would sue him and your father once did that but lost the case. Father had a lot more money that time and won by cheating, now after buying the college that man has only enough money to run his business so if anyone sued him now then it would be totally unbiased and he feared going to jail."

"Why would I trust you?"
" Because I have a recording of him threatening me, when he called me I knew something was up and when he mentioned your name I started the recording. I didn't show it to you or anyone because I was scared if he got to know about it then he would hurt you, you're my weakness Este, when it comes to you I will do anything."

I had tears in my eyes even if I didn't know why it was affecting me soo much that the person who envied his father, did what he said and that too for me. I don't know if I should beleive him but I wish he isn't lying. The last answer he had told looking into my eyes and if someone lies its seen in their eyes.

"Can I hear the recording?" "Sure, 1 second.....here"

I played it with earphones on,

"Listen right here son"
"I'm not your son you bastard!!"
"You are! You accept it or not and this conversation is for later, now let me deal with that Blossom girl"
"her name is Estella, say it with respect or-" " or what? Or what will you do?!"
" I will take whatever is left of you, I will beat you death" "Ha son, you think my weakness and fear is my company and death? No, but I do know yours" he said mockingly.
"No, you don't, not even the slightest bit.
" really? Then let me kill that Estella and see if she is your weakness and if losing her is your fear?" I heard some sound of cloth being crushed and assumed it to be grabbing someone by collar.
"YOU.ARE.NOT.GOING.TO.GET.NEAR.ESTELLA.GET.THAT.IN.YOUR.MIND!" "YOU ALREADY RUINED THE ONE PERSON I LOVED DEARLY,MY MOTHER!-" there was laugh heard of his father and a slap sound assuming his father got slapped and then again Auster continued,
"I WILL NOT LET YOU RUIN THE ONLY OTHER PERSON THAT I LOVE. LAY A FINGER ON ESTE AND SEE WHAT I DO TO YOU" he left his father's collar and probably moved back by the footsteps of the recording.
"If you don't break up before the next week then get ready to see her being expelled and dragged out the doors of the campus, if you are ready to see that then you may go and fuck her again" "You will never get on track, will you Mr.Frost, I feel disgusted by the fact that I'm your son you asshole!"
"The clock's ticking tik tok tik tok, the more time you waste the less time she has in her dream college" a loud laugh of his father was heard and then a crash of glass breaking.
"I WILL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT IF YOU PROMISE THAT YOU WON'T LAY A FINGER ON ESTELLA"
"Deal, now bring me back the news of a crying little Blossom" and then curses were heard and footsteps, assuming Auster walked out and then silent weeps were heard, like really low voice weeping. I looked at Auster and had tears in my eyes, imagining him crying and kneeling down to his father becaof me. I checked the date of the recording and indeed it was a week before the graduation. That means he didn't make this up like yesterday.

I removed the earphones and hugged Auster tightly, I whispered in his ear,
"I'm sorry Auster, I'm sorry." "Why are you sorry Este?" He removed my head from his neck and held it in front of him and wiped my tears.

"I should be sorry because of breaking your heart and trust" I shrugged my shoulders because I guess it was both of our faults.

I rested my head on his shoulder and both of us looked up at the shining star that was the only star still lit up because of the tiny sun rays, it was probably pre-dawn and so only the midnight star was shining. I looked at Auster and turned his head towards me and connected our lips, this one was different kiss, it felt relaxing and as though a million tons of weight got lifted off my shoulders. After a while we got up and went inside the house, walking hand in hand.

This trip was suppose to forget Auster but it ended with forgiving Auster. The next day we spent sight seeing and talking pictures with each other. We talked about our lifes the past 5 years what all happened and also cleared out some much needed questions. I didn't know if I again loved him like before but I definitely didn't hate him anymore.

I used to write journals on important and memorable days to remember it. And today was one of them,

I sat on the sofa in the living room with my diary while watching Auster and Hope play on the beach and smiled.