Dawn (complete)

coffee and books

This super secret place of Dimitri's turned put of be a Café. However, it was clear why it was a 'super secret' place to Dimitri. The place was small, friendly, filled from the bottom to the top with books, junk and a whole lot of treats. It wasn't a pretty attraction that would capture people at courts eyes, and as much as I loved all the flashy things that life had to offer, this bookstore/ Cafe looked like it was made in heaven.
It was quiet and completely away from the blussle of court life. Dimitri had dropped my hand long ago but he still led the way, we didn't do much talking, just speaking to random thoughts or questions that came to  our minds.

"I know this isn't a place you think you'll like but don't pass judgment until you try their sweets" Dimitri told me, a stereotypical cheshire smirk on his face. He knew I would like, knew before we had ever set foot into the place.
A bell rang as we walked in and a voice called from a back room hidden by a black curtain.

"Welcome! I'll be with you in a minute!"

Dimitri acted as though this was completely normal and motioned for me to follow him. The books made it look like they were in a library simply with some cute little tables mixed in but Dimitri didn't stop at any of them, instead he took me all the way to the back, where a bookshelf was blocking a concern off. The place looked like a scene from a fantasy novel, there was golden rays of sunlight coming in though the window and it smell of books (something I distinctively associated with Dimitri) everywhere. I followed Dimitri's lead and sat down on the floor as there was no table in this concern.

"What is this place anyways? Don't think I saw a sign out there..."

"I told you, it's a secret place"

"Look comrade, as much as you wanna be a mistroy character from a western, it's not happening" I countered at his vague answer.

"I found it while looking for a quite place at court when I was new to the job. Its nice, isnt it? The whole point is to provide a place away from everything else. I thought you needed it..." he explained, his small smile a constant now as our banter started.

"It looks like it was made for you" I whispered suddenly, looking around.

"It also has something you really love, sweets" he said, getting up.

"I'll go order, feel free to look around"

And so I did. Books were admittedly not my thing but a place like this almost made you want to pick up a book. I looked though everything they had, we were apparently in the myths and legends section. I didn't actually read anything, instead I just read and the Littles and looked at the pictures.

Suddenly a surge of sadness hit me with a thought; Dimitri would take me to dates in places like these if we were a normal couple. He would take me to his favorite places and i would actually be able to call them dates. We could kiss in the hidden concern, hold hands and not let go.
I could hold him when he was feeling home sick, when he needed a quiet place like this but one wasn't around.

I'm 18 now but I still don't get go have that. Part of me wanted to suddenly scream, scream that this was unfair and it hurt so fucking bad, just the thought that no matter what we'll never have that. Not even when I'm out of school and we're working adults...

Dimitri walked back in, holding a tray with a verity of foods on it but I didn't feel hungry anymore.
God, I'm a emotional mess.

" I know you don't like coffee that much but I got you really sweet one. So give it a try or you can order something else" Dimitri explained setting the tray down next to where I was sitting and sitting down himself.
I tried my best to fix myself, to push those thoughts down as back as possible.

Dimitri had been so unbelievably kind to me, and he was sharing so much of himself with me, I should have been grateful. At least for the fact that we did have each other yet here I was.

I was so lost in myself that I didn't realize that Dimitri didn't say anything for a while, when I finally did and looked up at him he was looking back at me. Waiting.

"Do.. do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Dimitri had been gentle with me before sure but I had never heard him hesitant so I answered honestly.

"I was just thinking that I'm 18 now"
He didn't saying but he nodded, and I knew he understood. I didn't know if he had the same thoughts as me, probably not considering I was bat-shit crazy at moment but I knew he loved me, and all I could do was wonder if he wanted to just hug me sometimes as I did with him.

"Roza... I'm sorry" his accent sounded deeper like it always did, a slight indication that was also emotional about something. I wondered how no one noticed it considering I always did.

"Why are you sorry comrade, you didn't do anything" I said, forcing a smile. I didn't want to ruin the few times I did have with him like this.

"I'm sorry that you have to deal with this, I'm also sorry that I can't fix this"

I signed, it was just so damn easy to love him when he said things like that. I moved the tray in between us, admittedly with more force then was necessary and hugged Dimitri. He didn't move for a few seconds, stiffly stuck in place before falling into the hug. His hands rapped around my waistline, pulling me in until my mom was touching his. I followed his lead and tightened my hands around his neck, and then something shocking me, He rested his head at the crook of my neck. Barrying his face in my hair.

I could feel him breathing, and we stayed like that for a few moments. Just us, not caring about the world. 

So much had happened in the past month that I was honestly unsure of how I was feeling most of the time but somehow, Dimitri made all those things go away. Sitting with him, in that moment all I felt was peace.

Sadly, it couldn't last forever.

Eventually he let me go, leaving on in his warmth to lingere in his place.

"Rose, I know everything is complicated but you have me. Not in... I mean, what I meant to say is that I'm in your concern. I'm here if you need me, even if it isn't in that sense"

That sense.

He meant he had my back even if he wasn't my boyfriend. Fucking ass. Was he trying to make cry?

"I know, thanks comrade"
He simply nodded and brought the tray full of coffee and sweet in between us again.

He had bought me a Carmel drizzle drink, a bunch of macaroons and a chocolate donut. It all tested heavenly, he told me how the store owner made them herself and that the books were actually just her personal collection that she had made publicly available for anyone to read while sitting there.
It was sweet to listen to while eating and even if part of me was sad that this wouldn't be classified as a date I was happy to pretend because I knew he meant it when he said that he was with me.