user not found | b.e

thirty six

I text. 

I call.

I text.

I call.

she doesn't respond. 

I reach out to kai but they haven't heard anything from her either.

and there's no way in hell im asking finneas.

kai tries to reassure me that it's probably nothing and billie will probably talk to me soon. 

but im pretty sure they don't believe that, because I don't. 

ive played the whole night over and over in my head, trying to pinpoint where it all went wrong. 

on top of that, I have to deal with the fact that I  saw my mother again.

in front of everyone. 

my grandma confessed to harry and I that she comes over every few months, stays overnight, gets money and dips. 

but my grandma had no idea she was using again. 

I just keep crying over everything. 

and I think im getting sick.

I just have no idea what the fuck happened.

"I have to ask this. but have you done anything that you kept from her?"

"no?" I shake my head at my grandma, hugging the throw pillow closer to my chest. "are you implying that ive cheated on her on something?"

"no I don't mean to imply that. does she know about your online friend?"

"pirate?" I shake my head "I haven't spoken to pirate for weeks and I never discovered who she was and I just kinda gave up after I found billie. she kinda blew me off anyway. it doesn't matter because we never flirted, we were just friends"

"you haven't sent pirate any nudes or anything that could be leaked?"

"god no, ive never taken nudes, honest" 

"just checking" my grandma says, with her serious face on. "and billie was the hickey giver, right?"

"yes" I don't mean to snap at her but this isn't exactly a fun conversation. 

in a minute she's gonna ask me if billie and I have had sex.

"im sure you'll figure this all out sagey" harry is watching a movie sitting at the other side of the room, the corners of his mouth lifted up. 

the fact he's smiling just makes me angry. 

none of this is helping and im just so fucking exhausted.

I sneeze into my sleeve and stand up. my grandma asks me if m feeling sick and I ignore her, going upstairs to my room. 

I plug my phone in, laying it beside me and watching for a notification.

I fight sleep until two in the morning but nothing comes so I turn onto my back and stare at the wall, heart shattering until I drift off into restless sleep.