user not found | b.e

forty

I don't make a scene.

I don't try to argue.

I just grab my bag and leave.

when billie comes out the back door and calls my name but I refuse to turn around.

I unlock my bike, climb on it and before I know it, 10,000 hours is behind me.

and I no longer have a summer job.

i consider not telling my grandma but she's the one who got me this job and she'll find out anyway.

i'm tired of dodging everything.

kai comes over after their shift and i tell them the whole thing between what happened with billie and i.

i tell them about my scar and getting cut by my dad.

and it's hard but i need to start trusting people and that's why i tell kai.

and sure, i was talking with a random girl online before i moved here and yes, i'd planned to meet her but we don't talk anymore.

and NOTHING HAPPENED and i don't wanna tell billie about her because pirate is none of her business.

i tell them about my mom and her turning up and the whole night which turned my world upside down.

after i've finished i'm worked i've freaked them out.

but then they plan a vengeance towards billie which quickly spirals out of control.

kai asks me if i want them to talk with billie and they're just being so nice about everything i start crying again.

not just simple tears, full blown sobbing.

in the middle of my breakdown on kai, my grandma walks into my bedroom and kai lets them know what happened.

my grandma looks shocked.

"bet you're regretting letting me spend the summer here now, huh?" i say miserably. "this is probably why dad hasn't talked to me"

"blossom" my grandma sits down on the bed and gently places her hand on my knee. "i have loved every second of you being here and i don't ever want you to feel like i don't want you here, because i really do"

"now then" my grandma gets up, winking at kai "i think we should go on a girls and gays evening out, don't you think?"

billie texts me the next day.

billie: hey
billie: i'm sorry about you getting fired, i feel awful
billie: we need to talk
billie: please sage

my grandma tells me to ignore all of those messages and let her worry.

after all, billie did the same to me.

harry asks me if i've figured out why billie walked out that night. "you'll figure this out blossom"

why is everyone using my childhood nickname all of a sudden?

but i don't want to figure it out.

i'm tired of trying.

besides i have more important things to worry about, like getting another job.

harry offers to employ me at pleasing but I politely decline. 

I need to do this on my own. 

while we were out for dinner with kai, my grandma suddenly realises what I said earlier. 

"what did you mean when you said your dad hadn't called all summer?"

"I haven't spoken to him. I told him I landed and I got the job and he sent me a thumbs up. I haven't actually spoken to him" 

my grandma looks shocked. "why haven't you said anything?"

"I thought you knew"

"I haven't spoken to your father since I let him know you'd arrived home. he said he'd be in contact with you to see how you were doing but I should've checked in with you. I guess I was too busy with harry it slipped my mind"

so I haven't spoken to my dad and my grandmother hasn't spoken to him either. 

"what if somethings wrong?" 

"he'll be fine" 

I tried to call him but got no answer. 

what if he's started drinking again?

I log onto Facebook and see he's posted a photo two days ago watching some sport with his buddy from work. 

thanks for checking in on me dad, I love you too.