we made it - harry lewis

forty seven

not seeing harry everyday was hurting me so much more than i wanted to admit, i craved his touch and his affection so badly.

part of me wanted to pretend as though nothing happened and show up to his apartment, showering him in affection but the other part of me was telling me to stop being so shallow and to remember what he did to me.

the part of me i should be listening to.

mia and i had planned to go for lunch today, as we hadn't really hung out in a while and i was grateful to be getting to spend the day with her, she was such a great friend.

today was the day i was finally going to get out of this fucking rut, i dressed in nice clothes and curled my hair, i even put a face of make up on which i hadn't done in so long.

texting mia to tell her i was ready, i took one final look in the mirror and took a deep breath, i could do this.

"beth, you look amazing!" my best friend said as she let herself into my apartment, something only she, and will, done but i didn't mind, i liked the company.

mia was honestly the most gorgeous girl i had ever seen so hanging out with her made me feel so ugly and inferior compared to her, her tanned skin and short brown hair which framed her perfectly structured face so well all just looked so good.

me on the other hand? i had chubby cheeks which i hid behind my long ginger hair, my short, stubby legs looked horrible with dresses while mias were long and thin, making her look like a model.

"you look unreal" i finally smiled, we were both wearing quite casual outfits, i opted for mom jeans and a knitted jumper while mia wore flares and a hoodie.

i grabbed my bag and we made our way out, mia wanted to go to a small local cafe that she had grown to love so we made our way there.

even though i was having the best time with mia, i still couldn't help but think about harry and how much i missed him, i tried to shake the thoughts away but they kept lingering.

"you okay, beth?" mia asked me and i nodded, gulping some water.

"just overthinking, the usual" i joked, changing the subject. "are you excited for your birthday?"

"i'm so excited" she squealed before going on to describe her outfit she had planned in great detail but yet again, my mind wandered off.

before i knew it, i was hugging mia goodbye outside our apartments before going inside mine and beginning the same stupid boring routine i had gained over the past few days.

shower and lay in bed, overthinking every little thing.

as i began to tidy up a little, there was a knock on my door, i wasn't expecting anyone and will was in newcastle so i didn't know what to expect but i found myself opening the door to find a really gorgeous girl stood, a sad expression on her face.

"hi beth" she smiled slightly, extending her hand for me to shake it. "i'm sasha"

the name sounded familiar. way too familiar.

"who are you?" i asked, scanning my brain to try and figure out who she was.

"i'm- um" she stumbled over her words. "i'm the girl harry was in paris with, well, kinda"

"oh"

"look, can i come in?" she asked. "i really need to explain the whole story to you, i feel awful that it's separated you and harry so badly"

"um, is that such a good idea?" i asked, suddenly feeling really faint.

"please" she pleaded. "harry's not a bad person-"

"i know"

"can i please just explain?" she asked once more and i sighed and pulled the door open more, so she could step inside.

"thank you" she smiled.

we sat down on my sofa and she sighed heavily before beginning her story.

"so, i'm sasha, i'm an influencer and sort of a big deal in france, where i spend ninety percent of the time" she shifted slightly. "my manager wanted me to get more publicity in the uk, so he reached out to the sidemen manger, tanya right?" i nodded. "they spoke for a while before coming up with some sort of publicity stunt"

sasha then sighed and put her head in her hands. "beth, i'm so sorry, this shouldn't have happened" she sighed. "so basically, tanya decided that as harry was the youngest and apparently the most sought over sideman, that he should come to paris and we could get 'caught' by paparazzi"

"but why didn't he just say no? or even just tell me?" i piped up.

"that's the thing" she said. "tanya warned him that if he didn't do it or if he told anyone then she would have him cut from the sidemen and give him a bad reputation, so she basically threatened him"

"oh my god"

"i'm so fucking sorry, beth" sasha said again. "but yeah, i promise all that happened was we walked around paris, i held a bunch of roses to act as though he bought me them and then we went to our separate hotel rooms, we didn't even stay in touch"

"im such a fucking idiot" i groaned, tears forming in eyes at how much of a bitch i was to the love of my life, over something that didn't even happen.

"no you're not" she laughed lightly. "i'd be so much worse if i was you, i would've killed the boy"

"i need to go apologise" i said, instantly standing up.

"go get your man, sis!" she smiled and we left my apartment together, sasha headed back to her hotel and i headed straight to harry's apartment.

the walk was so much quicker than it had ever been before, i basically sprinted ti the familiar block of flats.

my hands shook as i got into the lift, pressing the corresponding floor number and felt the small area lift beneath my feet, it felt like i was in the lift for hours before it finally dinged and got out, my feet carried me to his front door before i knocked.

i sighed and stepped back, awaiting someone to answer.

"beth?!" freezy exclaimed as he opened the door, i smiled slightly. "you alright?"

"um, is harry home?" i asked as i stepped inside the apartment.

"yeah! oh my god he is!" he said with the biggest smile on his face. "bog! beth's here!"

"stop fucking joking about that" i heard my boy say, and then i heard footsteps. "you know how much this has fucking affected me and- beth!"

the blondes eyes lit up almost as if i were the only other person in the room, his feet carried himself to where i stood, a smile finally taking over his face.

"harry, i'm so fucking sorry" i said, my hands moving to play with my hair.

freezy read the room and disappeared to his bedroom.

"what are you taking about? i'm the one who's sorry" harry said, placing a hand on my cheek.

"sasha explained everything to me, she told me the full story" i told him. "harry, i'm so sorry"

"stop apologising" he said, taking my hands in his. "did she tell you i was threatened and blackmailed? i wanted to tell you, i really did"

"she told me everything, i'm such an idiot, i should've let you explain" i sighed. "i ruined your friendship with will"

"no you didn't" harry shook his head. "we can explain everything to will, i just need you to know how sorry i am"

"harry?" i asked, looking up into his deep, blue eyes.

"yeah?"

"just kiss me already"