Unexpected Affection Professor Snape x Reader X Professor Lupin

Two Loves One Person

Where do I go from here? What happens? Who can I even confine in? I just, I can't. Everything is falling apart. I'm in the ocean with no island in sight. No break, no stopping, no slowing down for even a moment. I knew I couldn't be enough for him. How could I be? I'm young and stupid. So stupid. I'm sat here in the corridor looking like a heartbroken idiot. There is no way me and Severus are okay after this. If either one of us gets past this I will be baffled. It will be like a pig learning to fly, impossible. I got up knowing I had to move or Severus would find me. I walked me usual route back to my dorm room and by now it was past curfew. I walked past Lupin's classroom debating whether to knock or not. I thought for just a second before deciding I shouldn't with how I had acted prior to the argument. I just continued walking. As I was walking my mind was swarming with thoughts, nothing was quiet. I felt as though my mind was a tsunami. While walking I heard footsteps and I tried to hide, but there were no rooms in this corridor, no where I could duck in to. Shit, of course this would happen tonight. I just stood there in guilt, then Professor Lupin put his wand up illuminating both my face and his. 

I didn't know whether to be relieved or not. "Y/N, I'm kind of glad it was you. I'm so sorry for whatever I did. I didn't mean to do anything to make you mad at me. You are one on my favorite people here and I would hate to lose you so soon." I smiled, he wasn't mad at me. Even though he should be. "I'm so sorry Remus, you shouldn't be apologizing I should. I was so rude. I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry." I apologized feeling horrible for the way that I had treated him. I know I was supposed to be detaching myself from him, but tight now I feel he's the only person who can really help. Plus he doesn't deserve for me to be cold to him. 

I started crying, I really didn't mean to of course. I tried to just hold it in until I got to my dorm room, but seeing him just brought up so much. I couldn't hold it down. As soon as I started crying he hugged me. He was hesitant because of how I reacted to his touch last time, but when I hugged him back he settled into the hug. I was glad I still had him. I still feel guilty about how I feel about him, but he is one of the only people that I can talk to freely. I can't talk to Lily about this because we haven't talked much lately and I felt bad just going to her when I have a problem.I feel bad in general. He hugged me for a moment before he let go and asked if I wanted to go get tea and talk about it. I nodded my head and he helped me to his classroom. 

When we got I went to sit on the couch we usually sit down on, but he stopped me and lead me to his chamber. I liked his chamber, it was cozy like Snape's chamber. but it had a lighter theme. It was nice having the lighter theme when I was feeling like this. He had sat me down on one of the chairs. and went to go get our tea. I sat there sniffling, I had stopped crying while we were walking, so now I was down to a sniffle. He came back out waiting for the tea to heat up. He knelt down by the chair I was sitting on and began to talk to me. "Now what is wrong?" He asked me. I didn't know if I could tell him or not. I felt weird keeping it from him, but I also couldn't possibly tell him. "I'm just having a really hard time with school and friends and over all just a hard time." I began to talk to him about things that weren't all wrong. He tilted his head indicating that he knew it was more than that.

"Okay there is this one guy and I really like him, but he loves someone else even though we are, or were dating. I also like this other guy though and he is so amazing to me. I just don't know anymore." He looked at me nodding his head to let me know he was still listening to me. He put his hand on mine and began to tell me that sometimes life is confusing, but it will all untangle itself on its own most of the time. Although I wasn't listening a lot of the time he was talking. I was just looking at him. Observing the tiny things he was doing. Then my focus changed to his lips. I know I was unstable right now and most likely not in full control of my thoughts , so when I did this next thing it was very bad. I put my hand on his face. He looked at me confused, but leaned into my hand. I leaned in and I kissed him. I can't say I didn't mean to because I did, but I can say that I wasn't in full control. Soon kissing turned into me getting up and him walking back to the couch so I could straddle him. Then the kettle whistled. He pulled away breathing heavly just as I was. 

We looked at each other a moment and then he got up moving me off of him. He went and got our tea he put sugar in mine and then he came back and he set mine down in front of me. We sat there in quiet for a while. It wasn't awkward though, I would have thought it would have been but it wasn't. He sat down next to me drinking his own tea. He put it down and moved his body to where it was pointed towards me. "Y/N" I looked down at my tea and I put mine down next to his while I moved my body to point at his. We sat for a moment quietly. He put a hand on my knee and I scooted closer. "Remus" He moved his hand up to my thigh and I moved myself to where I was once again sat on top of him. We didn't kiss or anything rather just stayed in that position. I laid my head down on his chest while I was sat down. He began drawing circles on my back. My eyes got harder and harder to keep open the longer he rubbed my back. I fell asleep after not too long. I awoke to a knock, but when I opened my eyes I wasn't on the couch or Remus. I was on a bed. I heard shuffling on the other side of the door. I could also hear some voices. I got up stretching once I stood up. I creaked the door open and I saw Remus cleaning up the cups and sugar that had been left on the table. "I don't know, I haven't seen her, I stopped her in the corridor we talked and then she walked off in the direction of her dorm." I tried to look at who he was talking to but the door wasn't open enough. I pushed it open a little more and saw the figure draped in black. The man I ran away from after he had told me about a love for another. "So you haven't seen her?" I tried to walk back quietly which I did successfully and I continued to listen. I could hear Remus tell him no and that he should just go. Snape had said that the next time he saw me that he should send me to his office and he also said thank you for nothing Lupin. Then Remus walked back in to me awake. He took a deep breath in and than said "We need to talk" we do but god fucking damn it, what did I just do tonight?

Words: 1398

Unedited

Published: Fri, Nov 4th