Aziraphale had spent the past few months sleeping a lot. He didn't really 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 to sleep, but he found that when you sleep, you don't feel emotions, and that's exactly what Aziraphale needed. He felt worse than he ever had before, and it was his own fault that he felt that way. He missed Crowley but didn't want to call him first because he was terrified that he'd just get rejected, but he knew deep down that if he didn't contact Crowley, the two of them would never see each other again, and Aziraphale wasn't sure if he could live with himself if he never got to apologize to Crowley personally.
He just wished he knew where Crowley was. Crowley's Bentley was nowhere to be found, and nobody had seen him around in months.
What hurt even more was that Aziraphale knew that he was in the wrong. He knew he shouldn't have spoken to Crowley the way he did. He knew that he should have forgiven Crowley. He was aware of every single thing that he had done wrong that day, and it was haunting him.
There were some days he could barely function, and there were others when he physically could not get up because he felt so sickened by himself for leaving Crowley once again. He felt like he was slowly fading away and nobody could notice. He knew that nothing lasted forever but he wanted him and Crowley to be the thing to prove that wrong. He 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 that to be wrong.
Missing Crowley came in waves. Some days he was okay and could go on about life, but others he missed Crowley so much it made him feel sick to his stomach.
He felt like he was drowning.
He had thought that maybe he deserved this. He knew that he wasn't supposed to love Crowley so maybe this was Heaven's way of punishing him for going against one of their most absolute rules. He had decided that maybe 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 was the life he was destined to live. Pain, hurt, tears, disappointment, and darkness.
What he wasn't aware of, though, was that Crowley felt the same way.
Crowley had been in hiding since the day Aziraphale left him. He was staying in an abandoned apartment, which, being abandoned, was actually quite a nice place.
He'd been spending his days drinking. All day, every day. He didn't even care about the quality of the alcohol anymore, as long as it got him drunk.
His fridge had about two-dozen bottles of alcohol in it, and five of them would be gone by 2PM.
Crowley missed Aziraphale. He had started thinking about him constantly 2 days after he left the coffee shop. He felt alone without his angel with him. He'd go drive around in the Bentley, and would forget Aziraphale wasn't there. He'd even accidentally ordered two coffees instead of just one because he had forgotten that Aziraphale wasn't speaking to him.
He thought that maybe he was designed to be alone. Everything he had ever loved had been taken away from him. He felt forgotten. He was so sad that it physically hurt. Aziraphale was the only reason Crowley was still on Earth. He loved the Earth itself, but he wouldn't love it nearly as much if Aziraphale hadn't been with him.
What hurt him most, was that Aziraphale loved him. Aziraphale had told Crowley that he loved him. He had said "I love you," and Crowley had just walked away. He wished he could go to Aziraphale and take everything back. He wished he could rewind time and change what he had done.
He wished he could dump his soul into something. He wished he had someone he could talk to about the way he was feeling.
He wished he could tell someone that his heart was broken into a million pieces, and the thing that held them together was gone forever. He wanted to tell someone how badly he hurt, he wanted to tell someone that he had felt love before and he would never stop feeling it. He ached to be able to speak to someone about how he loved someone he shouldn't, but would continue to love him anyway. He needed to let somebody in this universe know that he would burn everything for Aziraphale. He 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 to.
Crowley and Aziraphale both knew that they had messed up everything. They had both left each other. Neither of them were speaking to each other. Neither of them were making an effort to fix everything. Neither of them were apologizing to the other. Neither of them would call the other.
In fact, they were trying to forget each other, because the other wasn't doing anything to fix things. They were trying to learn to live without each other. They had both watched each other burn. The both of them were at fault for their downfall. They were both cutting into each other's souls and destroying everything within.
They had shattered each other's dreams of ever being together.
And so everything was lost.
YOU ARE READING
Somebody I Used To Know.
Romance"chaos is an angel who fell in love with a demon." - Christopher Poindexter An Aziracrow story.
