old fashioned • dj&ts

xix. kill you to try

Billy and Daisy wrote a lot of songs that had double meanings relating to whatever they were going through when they wrote them. The one song Eddie looked forward to playing every night was Kill You to Try because it explained everything he wanted to say to Alexis. He wanted her to let him in again, and he would try everything until she did.

He became the Eddie from Seven Eight Nine, the Eddie that wouldn't even look in the direction of another girl and who would fall asleep every night thinking of the next time Alexis would be in bed with him. Everything seemed to be starting over, but this time they knew each other's biggest fears and were more willing to overcome them.

Eddie would sit next to her on the bus when they had small parties and would sing songs to her from the stage when she stood in the wings. He wouldn't drink if she wasn't drinking and would make sure she got to her hotel room or on Billy's bus every night before he went to bed himself. He did everything would have done for her regardless of the fact that he was trying to gain her trust back.

Alexis didn't stay completely sober, but she started controlling the amount she would drink with the band after shows. She still slept on Billy's bus, so she continued to respect his wish to be away from the party scene. She wouldn't bring anything onto the bus and would stay in the hotel on nights she felt like he wouldn't want to be around her. She respected his wishes, so he respected her decisions. He still made sure she stayed away from the hard stuff, and he still trusted Daisy to keep her on the right track.

Billy and Alexis both struggled with addiction, but they struggled for different reasons. Billy struggled with his temptations, drinking for him would cloud his commitments and promises and he couldn't let that happen again. Alexis struggled with fear and insecurity, drinking for her would smother those feelings and help her ignore them.

Alexis's insecurities slowly reduced around Eddie, but Billy's temptations rapidly increased around Daisy. Billy couldn't just have a beer like Alexis and have a normal day. Having a beer would make him a cheater and a bad father before he could even finish the bottle.

"Tonight is going to be so fucking good, I can feel it," Daisy laughed, jumping on Alexis's bed. She picked up the phone and fell on her back. "Excuse me, Mr. Front Desk, can you send three bottles of wine to room 405."

"406."

"406!" Daisy corrected, hanging up the phone and pulling Alexis onto the bed. "We should celebrate."

"Celebrate what?" Alexis laughed. Daisy was strung out, but she was happy. Alexis loved seeing her happy.

"Love! You and Eddie, me and Nicky," Daisy smiled. "Daisy Jones and Alexis Rose."

"Not me and Eddie."

"Yes you and Eddie!" Daisy jumped up. "Come on, he fucking loves you. He's been following you around like a lost puppy for weeks. Get drunk with me and just fuck him and make up already."

"I shouldn't-"

"Just tonight. For me," Daisy begged. "I promise, I won't let anything happen to you. Do you trust me?"

Alexis would do anything for Daisy. Of course she trusted her. She loved her. A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts as Daisy squealed and brought in three bottles of wine.

"One for me, one for you, and one to share," Daisy jumped. After they each finished a bottle of wine, Daisy pulled Alexis into the bathroom where she set up four lines. Daisy bumped one, then Alexis, then Daisy again, then Alexis again. Neither of them hesitated for a second. They were jumping on the bed again, stopping every other minute to pour wine into each other's mouths from the last bottle. "Do you ever think about kissing me again?"

"Yeah," Alexis admitted. "Do you?"

"Yeah," Daisy smiled. They kept jumping. "Do you believe in soulmates? Not, like, Billy and Camila soulmates. Just two people who were born to be in each other's lives. Two people who were lost until they met each other, and then they felt found. That's how I feel about us."

Out of breath, the two stopped jumping and looked at each other.

"Can I pick your clothes for tonight?" Daisy asked. Alexis nodded, and then Daisy jumped off the bed and started going through her bag. She picked out an outfit she would wear on stage, and outfit she knew Alexis would look good in. "Put it on."

Alexis took off her clothes and changed right there in front of Daisy. For the first time in what felt like years, Alexis felt comfortable in an outfit that showed all of the scarred parts of her body. The outfit showed off her chest, stomach and thighs. Daisy gave her a pair of boots, and started messing up her hair.

"Are you girls ready to go?" Nicky asked, peeking his head into the room. He looked at them and laughed. "Wow. Look at you two."

"Isn't she beautiful?" Daisy asked.

"Very," Nicky agreed, eyeing them both up and down. "Rod needs us all on the bus, but-"

"Let's go!" Daisy cheered, grabbing Alexis's hand and pulling her out of the room and down the stairs.

"Oh, no," Billy said, putting his hands on his hips as he watched them run onto Daisy's bus.

"Well, tonight's going to be fun," Graham chuckled, eating a bag of peanuts he stole from Billy's bag. "They'll be okay."

At the show that night, everybody noticed how Daisy and Alexis interacted around each other. They all knew what was upping their spirits so much, but they were taken aback by how they dressed the same and how Daisy kept running off stage between songs. During The River, Daisy even pulled Alexis onto the stage and started dancing around with her. They were jumping around and laughing like they were the only two people there. Daisy looked happy on stage all the time, but this night was different. She wasn't just enjoying the music, she was enjoying having Alexis on stage with her.

"This is Alexis, by the way," she laughed into the microphone once the song ended. "Isn't she beautiful?"

Alexis laughed with her as the crowd roared. Beautiful, she thought. That night, Daisy made her feel beautiful. She didn't care about the crowd cheering for her, they were only cheering because of Daisy. All she cared about was the feeling she had standing up there. The wine, the cocaine, the outfit, no wonder Daisy was always shining on stage.

Daisy walked her off, and she stood next to Rod and Nicky.

"Do I even want to know what's gotten into you girls tonight?" Rod asked.

"Probably not," Alexis told him. "But that felt really good. I feel really good."

"I'm sure you do."