Nonexistent

TWENTY-SIX- Rogue

MASON doesn't say a thing when he gets back. 

It's early morning, and Calia and I are getting ready for the long hike to the bridge. We turn around to face him in synchrony. 

All three of us started the race, as three naive students who didn't know what loss was. We're different people now.

The glassy fog in our eyes. The bruises in our bodies, and even someplace deeper than that.

Calia and I walk up the river in silence. But it takes us some time to notice Mason isn't following.

"Mason," I start. But he doesn't acknowledge my voice. His clear eyes are staring somewhere else.

I give Mason a long look. Even from a distance I see the sorrow written all over him. His hair is wet from searching, his eyes are tired and heavy, his arms dangle loosely from his sides, and I know him enough to see he's given up.

It's only then that I realise his hand is holding on to something. His knuckles are white from the tight grip, as I see his shoulders move up and down from deep breaths.

It's a stone, marbled with light blue streaks. 

"Mason." Calia tries as well. 

Nothing.

I walk towards him cautiously, seeing my solemn expression reflecting in his own. My heart tightens as I struggle to breathe. I can't do this to him. Force him to move on without her. Accomplish the impossible.

But Celeste would have. 

"She'd want you to come with us..."

"Don't tell me what she would have wanted." 

It's one of the rare times Mason ever snapped at me. But his eyes soften when he sees my recoil. 

"You guys go on without me. I can't cross that finish line. Not without her." 

Mason smiles, a smile that wrenches my heart. A smile that doesn't reach his eyes. How can I force him to move on so quickly? It's inhuman. Mason loved--no, loves-- Celeste. 

My mind flashes back to the promise he made with her that early morning in the training room. Celeste's trembling voice, his reassurance. Their kiss. 

He must've thought about nothing else but that day, all morning.

"I know it seems impossible." The tears I thought I had permanently cast aside stubbornly come back. "It is for me too. But..."

Mason looks at me. But he doesn't hear any of the words.

"She told me to lead you past the finish line." I take the time to carefully pronounce each word. To reach Mason.

And sure enough, interest finally flickers across his expression. "Sh-she... said that?" he asks, shutting his eyes. 

I purse my lips, biting back my tears. "Would I lie to you?"

He doesn't say a thing. For a moment, we're silent, as he's contemplating. But I know he can't bear doing something against Celeste's will. 

"She showed me this a few days ago. When she was drinking by the stream." He smiles at the memory, looking at the flat-surfaced stone he had in his grasp. "She said it stood out from the rest of the pebbles." It's the only thing he has left to hold on to. 

He looks back at the river, to where Celeste is, somewhere. He strokes the surface of the stone with his thumb, and sets his jaw.

He shuts his eyes as he turns his head, until he's facing our direction. He opens them and does not look back. 

One sure step at a time, he catches up with us.

One sure step at a time, he leaves Celeste behind.