Mimi (BWWM)

separate but equal

Ben POV

"Thank you guys for being so flexible! Alot has been going on lately so I couldn't catch the flight out to Chicago" Tina spoke into the computer screen. Sympathetic voices came from the screen filling the room. "So let's talk numbers Matthew" she said getting right to business. She was on a conference call with some huge company-she always had her shit together especially when it came to her work. She sat like ms.boss in her bright red leather chair. She quickly scribbled down notes and with a ti-84 was calculating some crazy equations. She was so smart. Even when she doesn't give herself credit.

She finally spots me at the double doors with a bowl of her favorite-blackberries, blueberries and walnuts. She waves me in as she's furiously calculating. "One moment" she speaks to the computer. She rolls over in her loud chair to the side of her long mahogany desk. I lean down to give her the bowl and she took it from me placing a kiss on my cheek. She looked at me up through her glasses. "Thanks Hun" she said stuffing a blueberry in her mouth. I leave a kiss on her forehead to hear Marci screaming "mommy?? MOOOOMMMMMY??". I quickly exit to go find her.

Walking down the hall to a lilac door I enter the dark room. The blinds were concealing the light of day and Marci was moving the covers around like crazy. She was dreaming again. It had gotten worse since she had been taken and Tina was looking for good child psychiatrists to go to. Walking over to the yellow sheets I find her tiny body beneath them. "Marci sweetie" I say pulling them over from her head. She stops squirming to only look at me with fear in her eyes. She sits up now reaching for me with tears pouring out of her blues. This is maybe the 10th time she's woken up from a violent nightmare and my heart went out to her. Sitting on her bed she climbed into my lap, with her hands wrapping around my neck. Soft whimpers came from her as she seemed to be staring into my soul. "Daddy...you won't leave me right? Or mommy? Or gray or Ty" she asked almost pleading. I kissed her forehead brushing her flyaways out of the way. "I'm never leaving you guys okay?" I said rubbing her back. "But what if Mimi comes back?" She asks now staring at her chipped mail polished toenails.

I couldn't tell her I killed her. She was too young. But I could at least tell her she wasn't coming back to harm them again. "Sweetie Mimi is gone forever" I said waiting of her response. She looked back at me with questioning eyes. "She's never coming back?" She asked hesitantly. "Never. Coming back..or auntie Lauren" I finished. "Auntie Lauren is mean" Marci crossing her arms. I was glad she wasn't asking extensive questions. "Can I see mommy?" She asked me now eager to get up. "Not right now honey she's in a special mee-" I was cut off by Tina entering the room with a bright smile on her face. Marci was out of my arms running to her. "Mommy!" She cheered while being picked up by Tina. Tina have her a bunch of kisses making Marci laugh.
I was so happy to have both of my girls back.

"Did you have another dream?" Tina asked her concerned. She sat next to me with Marci in her lap. Marci nodded rubbing her sleepy eyes. "But I'm strong and I'll make it through' Marci said now putting her fist in the air. I eyed Tina confused as hell but she avoided my gaze. "Sweet pea go get a snack the berries are on the table" Tina said dismissing her. Without a fight Marci dashed down the hallway to the kitchen. I looked at Tina waiting for her to explain the guilt that was written all over her face.

After a long pause she said "she walked in on me watching a black panther documentary and I'm not going to tell her to leave-the earlier she learns the better" Tina said still not looking at me. "I knew it was some kind of black history she leaned it from " I said now laughing a bit. "The other day she asked me what is she." Tina said now looking me dead in the eye. "And what did you tell her?" I asked. "That she's both -equally both. But when she steps outside of this house she's black and she better own it." She said now getting up off the bed. I followed suit and lagged behind her to our room. "And I'm okay with that" I said upon arrival. She turned to look at me and sighed. "If society wasn't so immersed in labels I could just say fucking human. " She said a bit defeating.

I embraced her. Stuck my head in her hair like I always do. "But I understand why. " I can remember the first talk we had before we had the twins. The most serious talk I have ever had.

Flashback

"We have been together for a while now Ben" Tina said to me now squeezing my hand. "Are you breaking up with me?" Was the first thing that came to mind. She stared at me with her 'what the fuck' look. "Really?" She asks now getting up off the couch. The colors from the flatscreen flashed behind her creating this colorful halo around her tiny figure. "I wouldn't have waited until we were married to break it off" she said playfully. "Then what's wrong? I thought everything was going great" I said running my big toe through the rug.

"We are fine Ben! Stop jumping to detrimental conclusions!" She said now walking to the kitchen. She was having the biggest case of the munchies lately-chocolate cake or chocolate chip cookies have been her go to. "Then what's wrong?" I said now walking over to the high chair sitting at the granite island. "We have to have the race talk" she said muffled with crumbs falling from her lips. I laughed a bit- Tina stuffing her face was one of my favorite sights. She even left the cabinet door wide open.

"Babe I know what race is" I said taking a sip from her tall glass of water. She stood Infront of me with her hands on her hips. "Fucking duh Ben! I mean for the future. Would if we have kids??" She said seriously. "The way we are going we will have like 8 in no time." I said playfully.she shoved my shoulder. "I'm being serious Ben. This is a big deal. Do you care your kids might not look like you at all?" She asked seriously.

I thought about it. I Let what she just said sink in. "But they will look like me...just with good skin" I said now pulling her into my chest. "It's more than that Ben. The looks the stares...the shit they will go through just because.." I rubbed her shoulders to try to calm her down. "Then we will just have to love them through it all right?" I asked kissing her shoulder. She clutched her stomach then her mouth and ran to the bathroom.

Sounds of violent regurgitation came ringing from the bathroom. Pregnancy crossed my mind. The cravings the odd crying shes been doing and how she's throwing up? Or maybe she's just stressed.

"Don't think this talk is over" she said wiping her mouth

It was the most serious talk I ever had-and it opened my eyes to racial issues I had never been seriously aware of.