13 Reasons Why S1 // Jade Thirlwall

Tape 1

Sometimes I wonder why we became friends. And then at times, I'm glad we were friends because you helped me through the hard times. Overall if it wasn't for you I would've been long gone by now. Welcome to your tape Perrie Edwards.

••••••••

I can't stop thinking about Jade. I can't believe she is gone. I thought me helping her, would've actually helped. I guess not.

Seeing her laying on the floor with her lifeless body covered with blood pained me to even say her name. Memories of that night came flooding back.

*Flashback*

"Hey, you coming to Jason's party tonight?" I asked Jade.

She shrugged and looked down. I knew something was up but I just thought she was hungry or something because that's what she does when she is hungry. I never thought that meant something else.

"Oh well if you aren't coming then I'm not going," I said to her. She was being really suspicious.

She sighed "Fine I'll go."

I arrived at the party all alone thinking that Jade was already there.

Boy was I wrong...

I ran around the house party looking for her but failed. I tried calling and texting her but no answer.

I was starting to get worried.

I arrived at her house and there were cops and an ambulance all around her house. The first thing that came to my mind was that someone either broke in or she committed suicide. I was really hoping it was nothing serious. But I knew something bad had happened.

I got through the mob of cops surrounding her house. Her mom and dad were sitting on the couch bawling their eyes out. I knew she did it. What else could it be?

Her mom and dad didn't notice me so I went up to the steps as fast as I could. Once I got up there in the bathroom, there she was. Dead, dead on the floor with blood gushing out of her head, arms, and legs.

I couldn't help but think it was my fault. Something deep down inside of me keeps telling me that if I hadn't gone to that party and stay here with her, it wouldn't have happened.

Two cops came in there with a body bag.
"Miss you are going to have to step out of the room." The cop said to me.

I lightly shook my head and walked out, watching them put her lifeless body in that big black bag.

*Present Time*

I didn't realize I was crying until the papers on my desk were getting wet.

Someone started knocking on the front door downstairs making me jump.

My dog Hatchi started barking while running down the stairs.

I got back up into my room closing the door and going to my desk to sit down.

I got a package with my name on it. I didn't order anything here lately so I was suspicious.

I opened it and I saw fourteen tapes and a tape player with beat headphones.

I picked up each tape, each tape had numbers on them one through thirteen. And then there was a tape that said introduction.

I put the introduction tape in the tape player and pressed play. I froze because it was Jade's voice.

Hey, it's Jade, Jade Thirlwall.
That's right. It's me, live, and in stereo. Get a snack. Settle in. Because I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended. And if you're listening to this tape you're one of the reasons why. I'm not saying which tape brings you into the story. If you received this lovely little box, your name will pop up. I promise.

How? How was I one of the people who made her kill herself?

I listened to the rest of the tape and she is right this isn't easy to listen too.

I just finished the introduction tape. Now onto tape 1.

Sometimes I wonder why we became friends. And then at times, I'm glad we were friends because you helped me through the hard times. Overall if it wasn't for you I would've been long gone by now. Welcome to your tape Perrie Edwards.

Holy shit this tape is about me. I'm the first reason why.

We have been friends since third grade. We used to do everything together, and we still do. Well, after this we won't because you know why. You got me through some of the toughest times in my life, but then there were times that I got sick of you always being there for me. And the reason for that is because I heard that you talked shit about me behind my back. But I still came running back. Why you may ask? Because you were my very first friend I've ever had that stuck with me the whole time.

Memories of me and Jade came back. I miss those days. I really really do. It's true I did talk about her behind her back, but it wasn't really anything hurtful or mean...I don't think.

It didn't start happening until high school started. You talking about me behind my back that is. You hung out with the wrong crowd during school. That's when you started talking shit about me. Why did you do it? So you could fit in with your other friends? I was the target for the group you wound hang out with. You did it so they wouldn't talk about you.

Were you ever really my friend after that? I tried to ignore what everyone would tell me what you said about me. I tried so fucking hard to forget but every time I was home alone in my room the only thing that would stay on my mind was you and your fucking friends. I would cry and kept asking myself why you would do that. I wanted to stand up to you and not be your friend any more but every time I tried to I chickened out. I was so afraid to lose you as a friend I dealt with your name-calling. What really hurt was when you called me "ugly" and "fat".

It hurts. It really fucking hurts to know my best friend since elementary school could call me such names.

Every day I wondered what would happen if you never had hung out with those other people at school. You wouldn't be on any of these tapes.

I'm still kicking myself in the ass for sticking around and being your friend. I just couldn't let go of our friendship. Even if the last few years were all fake to you. I'm going to leave this here. All I wanna say is that I hope you have a happy life with those friends of yours.

I miss her I really really do. I didn't mean to hurt her, but I did. I hurt everyone and I don't even realize it before it's too late.

I don't even remember calling her "fat" or "ugly ". Why would she lie? Why would a dead girl lie? It can't be true. Right? Did I call her all of those names? Maybe I pushed them to the back of my mind and just simply forgot. How could I just forget something like that tho? I slammed my hands down on my desk in my room trying to remember. I pushed the thoughts away and resumed.

I finished all thirteen tapes. Now it is time for me to send this box of tapes to the second person...Kylie Jenner.