13 Reasons Why S1 // Jade Thirlwall

Tape 8

You were my first crush. Yes, that's right I had a crush on you. But you never really noticed me. Or if you did you never talked to me. But why would you want to talk to me? I'm a nobody, I'm just Jade Thirlwall. You would never go out with me. But something happened one day, and it made me look at you differently. I was just lucky enough to find a sweet boy named Jed. But this isn't about him, this is about you. Welcome to your tape, Louis Tomlinson.

••••

I just listened to the first part of my tape. Yes, I did know who Jade was, but I never talked to her. I never knew she had a crush on me, I mean she's cute and adorable, but I would never date her. I just wish she would've came to me and told me so I could be honest...oh wait she did come up to me, but I was too stupid to listen to her. That's probably why she acted like she didn't know me. I would walk past her, and out of the corner of my eye, I would see her look away quickly.

*Flashback*

"H-hey, Louis?" Jade asked me.

I wasn't really paying any attention to her. I was only trying to be nice.

"What?" I asked sternly. She took a step back.

"I need to sort of ask you something." I raised my eyebrow motioning for her to go on.

"I-" but then she got interrupted by Charlie.

"Hey, man," Charlie said to me.

"Hey," I said back.

"Dude, guess who just scored a date with a cheerleader?" Charlie asked me.

"I'm guessing you," I said laughing a bit. I don't even think Charlie noticed Jade being there. I also forgot she was there because I was so interested in Charlie's and my conversation.

"Um, Louis?" I heard Jade say quietly. I don't know what came over me but I got really pissed at Jade.

"What the fuck do you want?" I sort of shouted at her. I saw her eyes watering.

"Um, I-I sort of like you. I mean l-like like, as in more than a friend." She was stuttering a bit but also taking deep breaths in between words.

"We're not even friends. Plus I would never go out with you" Was all I said back and then I got back into my conversation with Charlie.

"Oh." It is all I heard her say before she walked away.

*Flashback over*

Now that I'm looking back on that day, I was a dick to her. Now she's gone, I can't apologize now. I should've listened to her, and I was until Charlie came up. But I would've had just rejected her. So maybe it was a good thing that Charlie came up. I don't know I just need to clear my head a bit and then I'll go back to listening to my tape.

I just got off my treadmill and that did clear my head, but am I ready to listen to the rest of my tape? I guess so.

I sighed while pressing play to listen to the rest of my tape.

I found the confidence to go up and talk to you. I'm not really for sure if you were listening to me for the first half of me talking because you didn't seem that interested. So I wonder if you were tuning me out, but just going along just to play with my fragile heart. Soon after I started talking Charlie came up and interrupted me. Great, now I know for sure you weren't listening, but I wanted to get out what I wanted to say. You then shouted at me and then that's when my eyes started watering. After I stopped talking I walked away with tears streaming down my face. I'm sure people were laughing at me while I was walking down the hallway, but I should be used to that but I wasn't. After that day I tried my best to stop looking at you and try to stop getting your attention. Yes, I know, this is an odd reason for me to kill myself, but it hurt. And I know it shouldn't have hurt when you rejected me but it did. I guess I had a big crush on you. And me trying to stop all connections with you, killed me on the inside even more. But anyway thanks for rejecting me, because then I would've never fallen for Jed. So thanks...I guess.