13 Reasons Why S1 // Jade Thirlwall

Tape 9

Remember that party that I talked about in Jason's tape? Well, you did something to me, and to this day it still haunts me. What you did hurt, but at that moment I didn't care. No girl deserves to be treated this way. I'm hoping you only did it because you were drunk because I actually wanted to try and be friends, but then you did what you did and you broke it. Welcome to your tape Charlie Puth.

•••••

Depressed, angry, mad at myself for doing what I did to Jade. She didn't deserve it, no one does. It was a drunken mistake. The sober me would've never done what I did to Jade.

She is a way too fragile person to handle what I did. I'll never forgive myself for it. Many, many, times I've wanted to kill myself, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Because I knew there are things in life that I need to look forward to, and I knew killing myself just isn't the right decision. So I'm going to keep my head held high and try to forget about it. No, it won't be easy, but I gotta get up and try. I'll never forgive myself, but I want to try and forget about it.

But how am I supposed to forget about it when that's all I think about?

*Flashback to party*

This part has to do with rape so if you don't want to read about it I suggest skipping until it says *Flashback over* And skip over when it's talked about in italics.

I heard the front door open and I turned to see Jade walking into the party. I don't know how I heard the door open from all of the commotions around me but I did.

Jade looked stunning. I had to have her. I never thought of Jade as the stunning type but tonight I did. I don't know why. It's probably because of all of the alcohol tuning through my body.

I kept an eye on her all night. Until she passed out on the couch. How did people not sit on her I don't know?

I picked up her small body and carried her to an empty bedroom and placed her on the bed. I stared down at her unconscious body. I could do this for hours. Why did I find her so irresistible tonight?

I moved my heavy feet to the door and locked it. I might regret this in the future but I don't care right now.

I moved back over to her and kissed her lips. My lips sinking in the kiss which is just me doing the work but still. I collapsed on top of her. My hands traveling to places that they shouldn't be.

She started stirring in her sleep. She's starting to wake up from her unconscious state.

I quickly pulled my pants down and grabbed her wrist and pinned them above her head. Sobs started coming from her mouth. "Please stop!" She begged over and over again. Each time I ignored her.

I went in her which made her wimpier even more. More tears fell from her eyes causing me to grip harder onto her wrists. Surely leaving bruises.

I pulled out of her and left the room without saying a word. All you could hear is her sobs.

*Flashback over*

That is the worst day of my life. I took advantage of her. Never made eye contact with her in school nothing after that. I regret all of it and feel so bad now, but I can't say sorry now.

Someone soon knocked on the front door, so of course, being a normal person I went and opened the door to see Louis standing there with a package in his hand. He looked at me and then down at the box. "Here." He mumbled to me. I took it from him asking what it is and he said, Jade. I am so confused right now. Like, are these her ashes? Why wouldn't her parents have them? "Thanks, I guess," I said back and shut the door.

I went back into my room and sat on my bed. I didn't really want to open it, but I'm curious to see what's in it. I opened it slowly to see tapes. Tapes? I sighed I'm just glad it isn't her ashes I said to myself. Anyways I put the one that said "introduction" in and listened. It is Jade, this must be what Louis meant.

••••••

I finally get to tape 9...

Remember that party that I talked about in Jason's tape? Well, you did something to me, and to this day it still haunts me. What you did hurt, but at that moment I didn't care. No girl deserves to be treated this way. I'm hoping you only did it because you were drunk because I actually wanted to try and be friends, but then you did what you did and you broke it. Welcome to your tape Charlie Puth.

Well, this is just great. I thought to myself.

I saw you look at me through the corner of my eyes. I knew you were up to no good.

At some point, I passed out and woke up to you on top of me thrusting in and out. I knew you heard me crying and saying "please stop" but that only made you more hungry for me.

After you were done you just left me there. You fucking left me there crying and didn't say not one word. I didn't expect you to say anything back that night so I don't know why I got so upset over that.

I finally got up after what felt like hours and went home. No one noticed the state I was in. No one cared. I still can't get in my own fucking bed without thinking about what happened. You always come back to my mind and haunt my dreams.

After that night I went home and cried into my pillow. I just can't believe I actually let that happen. The next day at school you didn't show up to 2nd period, stopped making eye contact with me, and stopped going by my house to get to yours. I'm so thankful for that tho. A part of me thought you were feeling guilty but you never apologized so why would you feel guilty?

I had bruises on my wrists from when you gripped onto me. I can still see them faintly. I had to wear makeup on my wrists so no one would question me. All because of you. I half blame myself for going to that stupid party but you could've controlled yourself.

I felt disgusted and still fell disgusting and I never wanted to see your face again and now I don't have to. Burn-in fucking hell, Charlie.

You could tell she was on the verge of tears while making my tape and it's all my fault. If I could've just control myself none of this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have to worry about her and what will happen in the future and I wouldn't have to worry about if I'm going to have to go to court for this. It's all my fault and I can't change that.

A/N: don't get offended by me making Charlie the bad guy. It's just a story.