Of (Heart)Beats and Bylines [Completed]

Chapter 43- Procrastination

Some 14 months and three weeks ago

(still taking off from Chapter 39- The Party)

"What's going on in that head of yours?" RJ asked, looking at me straight in the eyes and trying to decipher my facial expressions. The two of us are having breakfast in campus again; this has become our Saturday morning routine since I started my graduate studies a semester ago.

"Nothing." I answered with a shrug, hoping to sound more confident than what I'm feeling. I'm unsure who I'm convincing that everything's going to fine. Is it him or myself?

"You've been out of sorts this whole week." Bingo. A whole week is a spot-on observation.

"I'm just tired. And preoccupied," I added, although this second statement is more accurate than the first. "I'll just see you lunch time?" I asked as he took the last bite out of his meal.

"I guess so," he answered simply but I could sense the growing frustration in his voice as we parted ways to head off to our respective buildings.

It's been a week since I've realized that my period is delayed. I bought a pregnancy test kit but I haven't had the nerve to take the test. In the back of my mind, I'm still hoping that my period is just lurking around somewhere and is about to make an appearance anytime soon. And no, I haven't told a soul about this predicament of mine.

You know those times when you feel weird symptoms and yet, you are afraid to go to the doctor? That's what I feel about this whole situation and yet, I have wrapped my mind on the idea that yes, I may become a mother sooner than planned.

It's not that RJ and I didn't take the necessary precautions. I've been on birth control pills even before we became sexual active. It helps ease my menstrual cramps, a problem I've had since I was a teenager. But no birth control option is 100% effective, only abstinence is.

As I found my seat in the classroom, I once again cast aside my personal problems to concentrate on this morning's topic- this is the strategy that has kept me from fumbling and faltering at work.

Tonight. I will tell RJ our situation tonight and perhaps he can be there to hold my hand as I take the test.

~~~~~

Message from RJ:

Love, the consultation with my prof is taking longer than expected.

There are two more students ahead of me.

Reply to RJ:

Take your time. Anyway, I'm not hungry yet.

It's lunch time and I'm here at a campus eatery that RJ and I have yet to try. I haven't even looked at the menu as I wanted to wait for him. But since his meeting with his professor would likely take longer than expected, I opted to surf the internet to kill time.