A Muslim's Romantic Journey

Chapter 59.

Safia’s POV

If I felt this awful now, I wondered how awful I would feel when the twins came. I was still suffering from sickness and Yusuf still hadn’t found a job. He became officially jobless shortly after his manager had told the workers the company was closing down. His pretense wasn’t working with me. I knew how he felt, I could tell just by his eyes and the stiffness in his fake smile.

A couple of weeks before we could find out the gender of our babies, Yusuf had his fourth interview. I had a good feeling that he would get a job soon. When he came home, that hope sunk. He frowned as he shrugged off his jacket.

“What happened this time?”

“The person interviewing me was female. She put out her hand for me to shake and I refused it. Her friendly expression changed into a scowl and the interview didn’t go very well.” Although I was upset to hear this, I was proud of Yusuf. He even kept his hands away from a formal greeting for the sake of Allah. And it made me feel special that every inch of him was only for me!

“Maybe the next interview will go well. Stay hopeful.” I said, taking a seat next to him and stroking his arm reassuringly. That wall of pretense was gone. He wasn’t forcing himself to look happy and optimistic.

“Maybe. Or maybe I’ll fail that one, and the one after, and the one after that. We’re at the point where we’re actually poor now. You’re pregnant and we don’t have enough money for maternity clothes or those vitamins doctors advise for pregnant women to take.”

“You mean like folic acid? That’s not a must. I’m pretty sure my mum didn’t take anything when any of us were born and we came out just fine. I think. As for maternity clothes, half my abayas are really baggy so it’s okay. I don’t need anything new.”

“Are you planning on wearing abayas all the time?”

“I don’t mind. By the way, take a look at the size of my belly now. It’s getting bigger every day. How cool is that?” I said, hoping to change the subject.

“That’s the whole point. Anyway, have you eaten today?”

“Of course!” I had a little breakfast in the morning. I was going to eat lunch but there wasn’t enough in the cupboards to eat lunch and have dinner for me and Yusuf. I didn’t let it get to me though. It was bad enough that one of us wasn’t coping with this situation well.

“Have you eaten since we had breakfast?” I didn’t answer him. “Safia, please eat, for our children’s sake. I don’t mind starving, as long as I know you and the children have enough.”

“I’m not going to let you starve! Stop exaggerating.”

“What can we do though? I’m so close to asking someone from a loan and I really don’t want to do that.”

“Why not? Is this some sort of ego or pride thing?” I asked feeling frustrated.

“No! I want to earn my money. I don’t want to rely on someone else. I don’t want to feel indebted.”

“Well the world doesn’t revolve around your wants and needs.” It may have sounded harsh but I thought Yusuf was being silly now. If he was so worried about his children and he thought he needed the money, why not ask? I was sure dad or Hamza would be willing to help.

“You think I don’t know that? If the world revolved around my wants, I wouldn’t have freaking arthritis. I wouldn’t be in this tiny flat! I wouldn’t be so useless!”

“I don’t care about any of these things so I don’t understand why you’re getting so worked up. What is it that you want?”

“I want a wife and two children who are happy and taken care of.”