A Muslim's Romantic Journey

Chapter 72.

Yusuf’s POV

Everything happens for a reason. We’ve heard it so many times. But what are the reasons for everything going wrong in mine and Safia's life? This was anything but what I imagined it to be like.

I was losing Safia, I could feel it. I didn’t know if she knew or could feel it too. She was locked inside her own mind. It frightened me how she was isolating herself. Yes, she had the support of her family, but I had to do my bit and I just didn’t know what to do.

I first felt sorry for myself. Both cots had been dissembled and Hamza and I moved them to his parents’ house. The absence of them made the room feel larger and emptier. But I got over feeling wronged after the first few visits to see Adam and Maria.

I wasn’t angry at Safia anymore. It was sad and sudden to suddenly take my children and walk away, but I’d come to terms with it. It was only temporary. During the visits, I saw a different side of Safia. I hadn’t realized she was like this just before she left. In fact, she was worse. I only understood her situation when I thought back to that last week with her at home. She wasn’t being her normal self. This introvert quiet attitude around her loved ones wasn’t normal.

Aunt Hajra told me she was suffering from postnatal depression and was taking antidepressants. I felt so helpless. I was starting to feel depressed myself. I got dad to move in with me because being alone was horrible. I wasn’t used to it.

Maybe what made it worse were my expectations. I once said to Safia that the birth of a child would be my ease after hardship. It wasn’t so simple. It wasn’t the case of ‘we had babies and lived happily ever after.’ It’s rarely that simple.

But there was a reason this was happening. There was a reason why Safia moved out, a reason why my parents divorced, a reason why I was living with my dad. It was unclear to me at the time.

I had made changes in my life, changes Safia didn’t have any say in. I began my career as a full time plumber, finally. I was starting to save more money. For the first time, I fully expressed my worries to dad who advised me on how to act with Safia.

“Communication,” he said. “That’s the key.” It wasn’t so easy at first.

When I went to visit I was usually occupied with the children. I didn’t want to miss anything in their lives. I tried to forget about how I dreamed of putting them to sleep and awakening from their cries. I tried to appreciate that I went to sleep in silence and woke up in silence. Some people with children would have loved that peace. I didn’t but I tried.

Then uncle Yahya suggested staying the night once every now and then. I found my opportunity and tried to talk to Safia. It was strange. It almost hurt how I was struggling to talk to her. It was Safia! How could I struggle to talk to my wife? The woman who I had been with for nearly two years! She had been with me through so much, why was it becoming difficult now?

Nonetheless, we made a deal that we would talk more and tell each other whatever was on our minds. We tried. We talked when we could. We had awkward conversations on the phone which became less frequent and shorter. Then I tried to make the phone calls last longer and be more frequent. The whole process of worry and distance only lasted two months but it felt much longer.

Then things started getting slightly better. By that, I mean Safia was getting slightly better. She may not have known it, but she was my biggest concern. That’s why I didn’t want to put any pressure on her to move back just yet.

And then we learnt about Adam’s eczema. Safia told me it wasn’t so bad. She said her nephew had eczema and he got a rash sometimes which went away with cream and he slowly grew out of it.