Only If I Were Twenty

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Friends

Although it hurts, kinakaya ko because after all, I have no choice because I chose to choose this choice— ang lumayo sa kaniya. All I have to do for now is to endure the pain and let it pass by. Sabi nga nila, enjoy the pain while you have it because the more you mind it, the longer it'll stay. Mahirap umiwas lalo na sa mga bagay o tao na nakasanayan mo. It is hard but you must try hard to avoid it especially at this kind of situations where you must avoid it for real.

"Secret!" dinig kong tawag sa akin ni Carmela.

I looked at her at bumuntong hininga. "Bakit?" Walang ganang tanong ko sa kaniya.

She frowned and darted her eyes on me as if she's measuring my every move. "Kanina pa ako nagsasalita dito! Hindi ka naman nakikinig!"

"What do you expect from a broken hearted person, Carmela? Malamang ay wala sa mundong ito ang kaluluwa niyan," singit naman ni Queenie.

Inirapan ko silang dalawa at humalukipkip. Mataman ko silang tinitigan. I just want to have a peace of mind ngunit paano ako magkakaroon ng katahimikan kung may dalawang e-peace na umaaligid at nang-iistorbo sa akin? They're both watching over me dahil baka raw ay mag-suicide ako. Seriously? Do I look suicidal?

"I just wanted to have some peace..." paunang salita ko. I glared at them ngunit wala ni isa sa kanila ang natinag doon, sa halip ay nakipaglaban din sila ng titigan.

Suminghap ako at napailing. "Lumayas na nga kayo rito sa bahay ko. You've been pestering me the whole day! Maawa naman kayo sa akin. I won't end my life! I am not that stupid."

"Hoy, Secvania! Para sa kaalaman mo—" Magsasalita pa sana si Carmela ngunit agad ko na siyang inunahan.

"Whatever, Carmela. Wala man sa kaalaman ko ang sasabihin mo, I don't care anymore. I need you two to get out of my house..."

Tumayo na silang dalawa mula sa pagkakaupo. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang bawat galaw nila, making sure that they'll leave already.

"Huwag mong sasaktan ang sarili mo!" pahabol pa ni Queenie na siyang ikinairap ko.

I just nodded lazily as a response. Marami pa silang sinabi ngunit puro lang ako tango at irap sa kanila kaya naman ay bumusangot silang dalawa bago tuluyang umalis. And now, my home's at peace.

Finally!

Nagpakawala ako ng isang malalim na hininga bago prenteng nahiga sa sofa. I am now surrounded by silence and peace but I can't deny that my heart isn't. Unfortunately, Kuya Nicolas occupies my whole system. Peace of mind ang hanap ko ngunit narito naman ang utak kong hindi naman nagsasawang isipin siya.

I demand for peace but my mind and heart demands for him, for his attention and for his presence which is not getting any better.

Thinking about him won't do good for me so I decided to go shopping. Hindi ko hilig ang ganito pero pakiramdam ko ay kailangan kong magliwaliw ngayon.

Nang marating ko ang mall, humanap agad ang mga mata ko ng puwedeng bilhin or puwedeng gawin, but after twenty minutes, I still don't know what to do and what to buy. Besides, pampalipas oras lang naman talaga ang ginagawa ko. I just want to refresh myself. Gusto ko lang na may gagawin at may ginagawa.

Sa sobrang gulo ng isip ko at wala rin akong maisip na gagawin o bibilhin ko rito, I went to a café to freshen up my mind.

"Order niyo po, Ma'am?"

"One iced mocha, medium, twenty-five percent sugar level, please."

"Dine in or take out?"

"Or," I answered without realizing what I just said.