Where We Left off Yesterday

Chapter 11

Falling asleep that night with Alison in her arms, Emily couldn't be happier. The smile on her face never ceased to drop. She could feel the soft movement of Alison's chest whilst she breathed, and the quiet whistling noise of the blondes nose.

Emily noticed that Alison definitely was a cuddler. Every time she tried to pull away, the blonde would tighten her grip on her. Even in her sleep, she was just programmed to do so. She also picked up on if the blanket became too close to Alison's nose, it would scrunch up and in the most adorable way.

Then she realized the reality she was currently living. People can't just have Happiness for free. There's always a catch. Always something that causes doubts to surface. Like the fact that Emily has a life threatening heart disease. That could possible kill her at any moment.

Suddenly she felt hot, so she carefully lifted Alison off of her and sat up on the side of the bed. She dropped her head in to her hands, her forearms leaning against her thighs. Her head physically hurt from her raging thoughts. She couldn't calm them down.

Emily wanted Alison more than anything, she wanted to be by her side for ever. This feeling, she didn't understand it. She didn't understand how she could feel so strongly for someone after only knowing them for a couple months prior.

The brunette also had a strong feeling that she should let Alison go before the girl became to attached. But Emily felt she was already to late. Alison stared at her as if she held her world, and if she tried to push her away now, she'd end up breaking the girls heart. That was the last thing she wanted to do.

During all this thinking, she failed to hear the blonde stir behind her. So she was startled when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Sorry" Alison says shyly, her eyes brimmed red with sleep. The raspiness in her voice quite evident.

Emily joggled her head waving it off

"Come cuddle" Alison whined, her arms stretched out like a two year old awaiting to be picked up.

Emily ignored her, getting lost within herself as she stared into the darkness of her room.

"Em?" The blonde sat up bringing the blankets with her, she plopped herself down beside Emily and delicately places a hand on the girls thigh. "What's wrong? Are you ok? Is it your heart? I'll go get your mo-"

Emily grabbed Alison's hand silently, trying to calm the blonde down. Alison's concerned eyes fell upon her, frantically searching her Incase she missed something.

"I'm fine Ali" Emily whispers, she hears Alison let out a sigh of relief.

When the blonde knows that Emily's okay she then stares at the brunette waiting for her to speak.

"I want to be with you" Emily blurts her voice muffled do to her hands still cover omg over her face.

"Em..." Alison's hear just about melts, but she holds her breath because she feels a "but" coming

"But...you — you shouldn't be with me" At that Alison's head snaps over to Emily, ready to fight her side of the argument. But she stayed calm despite the fact that her insides were ready to boil over.

"Why?"

"You can't get close to me" Emily feels a lone tear slip down her cheek "I'm going to break your heart, we both know how this might end Alison"

"Um it's a little to late for me not to get close to you Em" she mocks her then gestures to the point that they were literally laying in bed next to each other.

"I jus — I..I don't want to hurt you" She curses herself for stuttering. She glanced helplessly over at the hellbent blonde "Being with me... I have something that could kill me at any moment...it's something that you may not have but being with me means you have to live it too" Emily's voice was thick with emotion ready to break at the next word.

"That's not for you to decide Emily" Alison glances over at the clock, not missing a breath when realizing it's three in the morning.

"But it's not fair" The brunettes voice reaches a point of vulnerability Alison had never heard before. Her jaw was trembling and her eyes brimmed with tears. "It's not fair to you... and it's not fair to me"

"Emily" Alison cooed feeling her eyes singing with tears as well. She pried the girls hands off her face begging her to look at her. "You saying this...it's going going to stop me from wanting to be with you"

"It should" she shrugged Alison's hand off her then stood up, her nails curling into her palms "I'm not normal Alison! Go be with someone who wont die on you" Emily knew she wasn't making any sense, however she was determined to make as many excuses as she could.

"Everyone is going to die eventually Emily" Alison shouts disbelieving "You're not going to scare me away, I'm not going to let you push me away Em, I can't loose you"

Alison's hear broke hearing Emily's soft whimper. The blonde was determined to push aside her own fears and make Emily know just how much she cared for her.

"Emily listen to me" She spoke softly, cautiously approaching the emotional girl. "Yeah you're not normal, nobody is. Normal is boring, but you...You're amazing, from the day I met you a smile has never left my face. And when we kissed, for the first time I've never been happier in my life. And this...this pushing me away thing isn't working out, I'm here, I'm staying" tears were falling down Alison's face now "you're stuck with me now"

Emily closed her eyes tightly, the action caused water falls of tears to spill out. She had to cover her mouth in attempt to conceal her sobs. Hearing those words from Alison is something she had been waiting for her entire life. She wanted someone to tell her not to push people away, to open up, to be herself. With Alison, she felt more herself than with anyone in the world.

Inhaling deeply, Emily turned around instantly meeting tearful blue ones. Those swirls of blue that held mounts of security and gratitude gave her the motivation she'd been searching for ever since she'd been diagnosed. Since then she'd been hopeless, but as she stared at Alison, someone she so clearly wanted to be there for, gave her strength to fight to be here. Fight to want to be here.

The girls gazed into each other's eyes from across the room, awaiting someone's move. Not able to take it anymore, Emily dropped her shoulders in defeat as sobs racked her entire body, to the point where she was shaking violently.

Alison quickly rushed forwards gathering the emotionally drained girl in her arms. She cupped the back of her head holding Emily against her. Emily fisted the back of Alison's shirt as she sobbed violently into her shoulder. Crying out all the emotions she'd been holding in for a year.

"I'm scared" She chocked out "I'm scared Ali"

"I know" Alison closed her eyes, silently nodding she gripped her girl with all her might "I'm scared too"

The two stood in the darkness of Emily's room hugging for what felt like several minutes but in those minutes, both girls felt calm, at peace and the world just melted away. Neither girl ha fever felt this way hugging anyone, even if they were crying into each other's shirts, it made the moment the more intimate.

Emily slowly detached herself from Alison pulling back just enough to look in her eyes. She gripped wiped her nose with the sleeve of her sweater, not caring how gross it was. Alison didn't seem to mind, she too did the same. But instead she grabbed Emily's shirt and wiped her face with that.

Emily giggle lowly at that, then sniffed violently. Her brown eyes shining with sincerity she whispers "Thank you"

Alison rolls her lips as she shakes her head. She wipes a missed tear off Emily's face with the pad of her thumbs "You don't have to thank me, I'm just as much a crying mess as you are" she laughs

Emily shoots her a watery smile "Yeah that was pretty bad"

"Come on" Alison smiles and shakes her head. She reaches for Emily's hand and guides her over to the dresser. "Let's change out of these shirts"

Emily complies. After they change, minutes later they're back in bed. This time Alison rolled over to her side and pressed her from into Emily's back, her right arm slipped under the other girls head while her other arm wrapped itself tightly around Emily's torso.

Emily smiles at the embrace, taking hold of Alison's hand lacing her own fingers through it, then kisses the hand under her head lightly finally closing her eyes, falling into a pea full sleep.