Back to Square One

Chapter Twelve: Annika

I awoke at 6:00 AM from my alarm. I fell asleep quickly and slept deeply last night. I have never been so mentally exhausted before... that I can remember.

I spent last night in Silas's bed... our bed. The bed we share every night. The bed we...

A fuzzy little body purrs against my arm. He never told me what his name is. I rub under his chin and on his cheeks. He clearly remembers me. "I'm sorry I forgot you, buddy." He purrs as I rub his little face.

I take a shower letting both heads hit me, cause why not? I don't know how long I have been standing in the shower, but I don't want to move. I let my mind get lost in nothing. My thoughts slip away, and I do not think about anything other than the hot water that soothes my sore muscles.

Once the water starts to lose its heat, I stop it wrapping a towel around my body. The cat was lying in the sink while I showered. He is the sweetest little thing. I'm glad he isn't one of those cats that hide 24/7.

I go to my closet and find the drawer of underwear. Damn. Each piece is sexier than the last. No Plain-Jane cotton insight. Different colors of silk, satin, and lace.

I decide to wear the red lacey ones. I feel confident in them I a way that I have never felt before. I look through my dresses. It's like shopping for clothes, and I like everything in the store, and it all fits me.

I decide on a flowy black boho dress. It has short sleeves and a v-shaped neck. It comes in at the waist with a tie to give it shape. It has red flowers imbordered all over. I set it on the chair by the fireplace and go back to the bathroom.

I brush my teeth in the other sink because the cat is still in mine. After I spit, I look up into the mirror. I haven't really looked at myself since I woke up a few days ago. I've been too afraid of what I'll see.

As I stare at myself in the mirror, I don't even recognize the reflection.

I'm a married woman, and I can't get over that. I'm only wearing red lace underwear at the moment. I wear sexy panties and bras now because I have someone who's seeing them every day other than myself. Does he wear special boxers...? I'm not ready to think about Silas that way yet. It is still too weird.

I am a little surprised that I haven't had a meltdown yet. I've never had a panic attack before, but my life has been turned upside-down. I have a pretty damn good excuse to have one. Everyone is probably expecting that I will. They may even be surprised that I haven't yet.

Eight years erased...

Eight years to learn...

I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I'm still me... just older. I rub lotion into my face, examining it closely. Still me. Same blue eyes. Same shallow dimples in my cheeks. Same scattering of freckles on my nose and cheekbones. Same lips that cover straight teeth that my parents paid a lot of money for.

I step back and take in my body. A little curvier then I remember, but not by much. I guess with marriage comes comfort weight.

My hair is the same blonde, just longer.

How odd to have everything the same... yet so different.

When I emerge from the bathroom, my eyes are full of the sight of Silas in tight black briefs and black briefs only. He is head to toe muscle. His olive skin is flawless. Dark hair slightly covers his forearms, legs, and chest. He shaved his stubble he had had. His hands move to cover his... well.

"Jesus, Silas!" I yell once I'm able to break my trance. "What are you doing?" I run to the bed to hide under the covers because I don't know what else to do, but this feels silly, too late. I'm committed.