Looking for trouble | Vol. 2 | Jamie Bower fanfiction

2 | Secret confusion

Skye

There are about 4 things you need to know.

1. I am confused.

2. Jamie is confusing.

3. He hasn't yet asked me to be - well - his.

4. I'm ranting about this to Godfray.

"And you are sure he hasn't asked you?" Godfray asks, slicing up the steak in front of him, apparently the Chinese heritage didn't matter to him; he is a barbeque enthusiast it seems. We are sitting in a steakhouse in the middle of the city. The house is full of dark woods and pictures of barn animals.

"Positive, you see.. it's not like he doesn't show that he cares... he just, doesn't seem to.." I lose my train of thought for and second and then ask, "is it wrong for me to want him to ask me?"

"Naa..." Godfray srugs, "I just have a feeling he already thinks that you are together, but he forgot to tell you that," Godfray finish, stuffing his face with beef. Godfray Gao is one tall Asian man; even for a man in general he is tall. He is a whole of 6'4 feet; someone must have forgotten to tell him he is Asian. He is the guy playing the part of Magnus Bane in the show, like he did the last time.

"Well maybe..." I go quite and we sit and eat in silence. I haven't told anyone this, not even Brad and Jane, but since the day at the beach I have not said 'I lo-- you' to him, the thing is I have actually never told him, ever, I am scared to. He told me at the beach in England and we kissed and thing was good, but now? Sometimes when we were together, I could tell (occasionally you can just tell those things) he was wondering whether I lo--. him, as he believed he loved me. But saying I love someone just isn't in myrepertoire. I can't even tell my own mom I love her, how the bloody hell am I supposed to tell Jamie? I don't even know if I actually do lo-(come on Skye! Think it god damn it!) him! Sometimes I barely feel like I know him! I have known him for 3 months or so, tops! I have known Jane and Brad for years and I am not even sure I love them... I sure care a lot for them! I really do! Maybe that feeling is love, but the truth is... I have no ideawhat love is.

"Skye?" Godfray asks after a while.

"Mmm," I murmur still in not present at the table, mentally that is.

"Why do you have a hickey? You know the make-up artists are going to go ballistic right?"

"It was a stupid dare... " I breath, flashes from a couple nights ago enters my head, flashing neon lights and bouncing techno music. I had gone to Jorge party, something about his dog turning 3, though I wasn't sure he actually had a dog, "Jorge dared me to get a hickey in a stupid game of truth or dare."

"Who gave it to you?" Godfray asks, as his eyebrows rose in confusion.

"Jamie of course, he was pretty out of it when he did it, so I seriously doubt he even remembers," I say and stuff my face with potatoes.

"You guys are so kinky..." Godfray comments while snickering at me.

I swallow my potatoes, "Oh, should just know my darling..." I say in a posh manner, implying all sorts of nasty deeds. Godfray reply with some sort of gaging sound. And he is right to do so; because some of the things Jamie and I found ourselves doing isn't all that ehm... decent to say the least. There had been very few things he said 'no' to till now. The things is, when we were together like that, all were rainbows and unicorns and I have several times been on the edge of telling him, that I thought I lo... lo..- You get it right? But it has purely in the high of the moment, but every time it has locked itself in my throat, it just has... and Jamie every time mumbles "I love you", "I love you", "I love you" in my ear as he comes down from his high and I just kisses him to shut him up. Am I the worst person alive? I have this amazingly talented crazily sweet guy who - according to himself - loves me and I should love him back, but I don't think I'll even be able to recognise the feeling, even if it fills my whole entire body. Maybe I already feel it! And I just don't know it! I am seriously fucked up, now aren't I? I am 100 percent aware that about 520.287 thousand people (the amount of people that follow him on twitter, yeah... I checked) will happily replace me and tell Jamie what I should be telling him over and over again. I know I'm an arse...