Looking for trouble | Vol. 2 | Jamie Bower fanfiction

5 | Twisted thoughts

Jamie

It hurts. It feels a little like having you chest ripped out from your gut and squashed into a thousand pieces, before then having it thrown into your chest again against your will. It feel like my head is going to implode and my heart is about to combust. I had trusted her. Trusted her! And she just goes and shags the next big duff around the corner! I slander from her apartment to my own across the hall in a red haze. I walk in with my head still buzzing with stupid malaria mosquitoes. I never did see them coming, now did I? First Lily, then Mathilda, now Skye. Did it ever end? And Gus thought he had it hard. No leg and terminal cancer patient or not, he still had a woman in his live that loved the crap out of him. He wasn't cursed with eternal misery, like I was.

I can't even tell why and how Skye did it... we have barely landed! Why would she want to?! I have made her scream my name over and over again every fucking night! I can tell when she loses herself, when her body clings desperately to mine as if it's her last resolve. How she shakes and twists as we both tumble over the edge. Why?! I can't... I thought... She has to go... I don't want to see her anymore.. It has to stop! I can't go on like this! Three girls in a row! What is this?! Blood is roaring in my ears, making my balance go haywire. I lean against the granite counter try to collect my racing thoughts. Try to find any sense. But there is none. There is nothing. Everything is empty and meaningless and I just have to except that. I should have accepted it after Mathilda... I thought I had. But then I absolutely had to go fall in love with another darf bimbo.

I waver through the flat. My skin crawl with sweat, but I don't care. I don't care about anything. Skye can screw me. I am going to show her exactly what she means to me. Exactly.

I shall go to the party Rhys has invited me too in an hour, I need to go. I need to show her that she hasn't gotten to me, but for now I shall return to bed where my emptiness awaits me with open arms.

A/N: believe it or not the last paragraph is something Jamie wrote himself on his old tumbr called "have you seen my trousers anywhere", anyhow he wrote, "I shall return to bed where my emptiness awaits me with open arms." And that killed my tiny fangirl heart so I decided to kill you guys with it as well. It fitted perfectly in any case.