Learning To Love - Jamie Campbell Bower

Park Bench

I slept like a baby, not once shifting in the bed. When I woke up, I had almost completely forgotten the events of yesterday, but upon seeing my still-packed bag by the bedroom door, everything came flooding back.

Oh dear.

I decide to deal with that later, food is priority. I walk to the kitchen and pour myself some cereal. Once I'm done I brush my teeth and get changed into some casual clothes, and brush my freshly washed hair. Chances are I'll need to go shopping today.

When I'm done I return to my room to empty out my bag from yesterday, but I only get to the hallway before I hear a knock at the door. I answer the door, it's Jamie. A vauge thought passes through my head about how he must be a morning person like me, he's dressed completely, hair some-what brushed.

"Let's go to the park." Is all he says.

I can't say no, I owe him an explanation for what happened yesterday. So I just nod my head, and follow him down the hall, pocketing my keys.

The city's park is across the road that runs behind the apartment's parking block. It's a fair size, with a lake in the middle, surrounded by expansive green grass dotted with trees and park benches, a white path snaking through the greenery. Sometimes I come across to read when the weather permits. Jamie leads me to a park bench that overlooks the lake, ducks lazily glide along the surface, ducking for food. We sit.

"Did I..." He swallows, he's angled himself towards me, and I him, but he's not looking at me. "Did I do anything?"

I sigh. "No Jamie, you didn't do anything, it was just me being silly and I'm sorry."

He looks at me. "You don't have to be sorry, Heidi. It's ok."

I take his hand and place it on my shoulder, where it was before I had brushed it off. "What were you going to say to me last night?"

"It was um...well." He shifted uncomfortably, breaking his gaze from me. "I er, I was going to... I mean I was going to say." He composed himself. "Heidi."

"Yes?"

"Was there any other reason you wore that rashie at the beach? Why you kept it on?"

My whole body felt like it had been doused in cold water, or if I had suddenly tumbled down a dark hole.

"I..." My voice shook. "I um.."

"You don't have to answer me, not if you don't want to." He squeezes my hand gently, having taken it off my shoulder. "I just wanted to tell you that you're beautiful, in every way, to me." He looked at me, his piercing blue eyes sincere.

And with that, a tear fell down my cheek, unexpectedly, to say the least.

"Hey." He reaches forward and hugs me. Drawing away, he looks at his lap and back at me.

"Heidi." He starts again. "Did anyone ever hurt you?"

My brain whirls. There's no point hiding from him anymore.

"How...how could you tell?"

"The rashie, getting changed behind my back, not letting me hold you in the water..." He paused. "How you jumped when I touched you, it was like you hadn't meant to, like it was instinct. I couldn't help but make the connection. You don't have to say anything, Heidi, you don't owe me that. But if you ever want to talk about it, I'll listen. And if you never want to say a word, that's ok. It's ok." He repeats. More tears run down my cheek.

"You don't have to say anyth-"

"No." I interrupt him. "No, I want to talk about it."

I take a deep breath, Jamie takes my other hand in his, completely focused on me. I pause, looking across the grass, at the lake, before beginning.

"One year ago, I met a boy." I smile to myself. "His name was Peter, and he was perfect. We both worked at the hospital together, we dated for a year, and we were happy. I fell for him quickly, you see. I was madly in love, we were madly in love." I look up at Jamie, and he's listening intently. I returned my gaze to our hands. "Then he...he started to change. He became more erratic, he couldn't sleep, he had a short temper..." I shudder. "We grew more distant. What I didn't realise was that he and his best mate were doing drugs, cocain and ecstacy, it turns out. One night, about 10 months ago, he calls me to pick him up from his friend's house - he didn't have a car at the time. So I come, and he just insists on driving. He didn't seem drunk so I let him, but something wasn't right. He wasn't acting right. So as we were driving along the freeway, he looks over to me and says "I love you." And I say it back, but I was so weirded out by why he said it, so randomly, such a strange tone..." I pause, inhaling. "And then he just slams the breaks. The car behind us couldn't slow down completely in time, and collided straight into us. Peter broke his arm, the car driver was fine, but I got the worst of it. Shattered ribs, and massive bruising and cuts all over my body. I had to get one rib replaced with a metal wire attatched to my spine, and now I have scars all along my torso." I look Jamie in the eye now. "Peter admitted he tried to kill me, and that he was high at the time. He was put in jail for a year, parole after 8 months. I haven't trusted any man besides my father since then. But then... then I met you." I exhale. "And everything is changing."

Jamie's eyes had widened considerably since I began my story. He swallowed. "That's horrible, I'm so sorry..." He gripped my hand tighter. "You really are so strong, I don't blame you for last night at all."

"I'm not that strong, I still struggle sometimes."

"The fact that you're here, on this park bench, with me, is enough." He slowly leans towards me with his arms out stretched, and I hug him, burying my face in the crook of his neck, the fabric of his t-shirt soaking up the last of my tears.

"Thank you." I murmer against his neck.

"Anytime." I can feel the vibrations of his voice through his body.

We break apart.

"Wanna hang out at mine?" He says. "We could watch a movie."

"Sure." I smile. "Let's go."

************

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