Learning To Love - Jamie Campbell Bower

Tension

"That's the problem."

You know that feeling that hangs in the air before a storm? That change in atmosphere, a kind of intangible tension, yet still an honest indicator that a change in weather was coming?

I'd felt it before, I mean, who hasn't felt the rain before? But I'd never felt it in my heart, I didn't know such things were possible.

That is, until now.

And I chose to ignore it, stay in a state of denial as I shoved on my runners and knocked on Jamie's door. Jamie had been gone when I'd woken up following the night where he's spent an hour on the phone with his management, so I'd gone to my own flat, had breakfast, and changed into some running gear to see if Jamie wanted to go for a run. I was hoping that the rush of endorphin would get the creeping feeling to go away.

In that time, Jamie must have come home. He answered the door, but he didn't greet me. His eyes held a kind of defeated look in them, the origins of which I couldn't trace. His lips just twitched up into an attempted smile as he glanced at my runners.

"I've already been for a run."

My heart sank a little. "Oh."

Silence.

"Uh..." I bit my lip. "I'm gonna go for a run anyway, okay?"

Jamie looked down, "Okay."

I turned, heart feeling a little heavy as I exited the block and crossed the road into the park, alone.

I ran harder and faster than I had in a while, spurred on by my emotions. A solid 5km later, I collapsed onto a park bench, legs shaking, my entire body covered in sweat. I realised I was sitting on the same bench that I had with Jamie when I'd first told him about Peter.

Jamie.

I still felt disappointed he hadn't come running with me, but it was more that he had gone without me. We always ran together, it was one of our things, like having an excessive amount of movie nights, or going to Italian restaurants...

I knew something was up, and that it probably had to do with the phone call, but there wasn't much I could say now, I could talk to Jamie later. Now I needed to go home, shower, do my shift, and only then start to worry.

That resolution meant I threw myself into my work, finishing more tasks than I usually did in an effort to keep myself distracted. I had just finished setting up a new IV for a patient when Lindsey, my boss, poked her head into the room. She grinned. "Come see me after your shift."
And then she was gone, not giving me a chance to respond. So I nodded to myself, before gathering up the old IV bag and leaving, wondering what Lindsey could possibly want.

The smile seemed promising, though.

So once my shift was over, I made my way down to the office wing of the hospital, running a hand through my ponytail and smoothing out my uniform as I walked. I reached Lindsey's office door and knocked.

"Come in!"

I opened the door, peeking around the edge. Lindsey smiled from across her desk. "Heidi! Come sit down, we have much to discuss."

I shut the door behind me, sitting in the chair opposite her, smiling nervously. Lindsey started shuffling through a file in a draw by her desk, before pulling out a folder and setting it on the desk, facing it towards me.

"Now," she eyed me. "I don't suppose you knew this, but the head nurse of our oncology ward is retiring."

I shook my head. "No, I wasn't aware of this."