Learning To Love - Jamie Campbell Bower

Chasing Rainbows

What have I done?

It's the first thought that pops into my head the morning after Jamie and I had gone on the date.

The date where Jamie and I had kissed.

And, it had ended really well. Jamie was smiling in a rather triumphant way the rest of the evening, which made me think that he had full intention of stealing a kiss the whole time. What that meant was that he really did want to be with me. We had watched the rest of the sunset go down until it was almost dark, and then made our way home, Jamie's hand in mine the whole time. No words had really been said regarding whether he and I were properly in a relationship though, although, you'd assume we were. But still, that one point that we hadn't discussed it? It bothered me...

Yes, the date had gone really well, and for the rest of the night I was full of a happy bubbly-ness, a sense of euphoria likened to adrenalin. But now, lying in my bed at 8 in the morning, it hit me that yeah, I'd kissed someone, not a huge thing, but what I'd said - that was a biggie. I'd told him I trusted him, and it was true, or at least I think it is. But often, saying what you think is different from acting what you think.

And thus, today ended with me in bed again, but with tear streaked eyes, and a heavy heart.

Jamie had managed to find some work while staying in Perth. His agency had contacted him about a small production taking place, and he had auditioned on the notion that he needed more things to do on his break from London, and all the serious work that went with it. He made it into the production, and I'd changed my shifts at the hospital to day ones, so now our schedules were more similar. Occasionally in the mornings Jamie would pop into my flat for a coffee before we headed our separate ways, and then in the evenings, he'd come back and watch a movie or we'd cook dinner together. We basically lived in each other's flats now. A portion of my belongings were in his, and vice versa. My eyes glanced up from my book to look at Jamie's leather jacket draped over the armchair opposite mine. It was 8:30 am, and I was sipping my coffee while waiting until it was time to go to work.

A soft knock sounds from my door, followed by the click of keys turning in the lock. A second later, Jamie's head pops out from the kitchen.

"Good morning starshine, the earth says hello!" he declares.

I stare at him. "Did you just-" I paused, a grin creeping on my face. "Did you just quote Willy Wonka from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?"

Jamie walked over and plonked himself onto the arm chair, taking his leather jacket into his lap. "Indeed I did."

"I guess a quote from Johnny Depp is a good way to start the day."

Jamie started. "Oh, do I need to watch my back? Are you crushing on him?"

I cross my arms. "Yes, and he's totally going to steal me away, you know, how he totally lives in Perth and all."

Jamie crosses his arms too, with a mock-suspicious look on his face. "He is indeed a threat, I'll have to think about what to do with him to get him out of my way."

"Maybe you could suffocate him with a plastic bag."

"Me? The theatre kid that everyone thought was gay in high school? No, I have more class then that - I'll hit him over the head with my guitar."

At this we both laugh. Jamie gets up (rather gracefully for a giraffe) and kisses my forehead. "I don't have time for murder plans today, I have a full rehearsal. I'll see you tonight, though. Try to not have too much fun without me at the hospital."