Learning To Love - Jamie Campbell Bower

Release

Oh hey look it's the last chapter

(There might be an epilogue idk)

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I wasn't that surprised to find the bed empty when I woke up the next morning. I was, however, surprised that I wasn't surprised, if that makes any sense.

Not that a lot makes sense anymore, anyway.

I heard the distinctive clink of a coffee mug, and realised that Jamie was still in the flat, unless of course, I was being robbed. But what kind of robber goes for the coffee mugs? So I rolled out of bed and pulled on some clothes, making my way into the kitchen. Jamie was sat at the table, steaming mug of coffee in his hand. He looked up, noticing my presence, and tilted his head towards the kitchen bench. "I made you one, too."

"Thank you," I murmured, taking the other mug from the bench and deciding to sit down across the table from Jamie. We both sipped our coffees in silence. I notice that Jamie has my folder right next to him.

"You should start filling all this paper out, y'know." He says from behind his mug.

I search for any resentment in his tone, any bitterness, but don't find anything. I guess I'm not the only one that seems to have found a feeling of acceptance overnight. There's no point being angry anymore, no point in fighting the inevitable.

I pick at my nails, avoiding his eyes, "And you should start figuring out all your flights and stuff."

"I already have."

I looked up, surprised. "Oh?"

Jamie shook his head. "It's not like that, it wasn't me. Believe me Heidi, none of this is me, none of this was my doing." He sighed. "They've already planned a couple flight options for me, I just have to pick one."

I didn't want to ask my next question, but it seemed to spill from my lips anyway. "When?"

Jamie stared down at the table. "At the moment, the one that leaves this Monday looks good."

"Not much warning," I commented.

Jamie shook his head. "No, they never tend to give much. They just..." He looked away, but I caught a glimpse of his steadily darkening eyes, and his strained voice gave him away anyway. "They just assume I don't have much to leave behind. But I do. I have to..." He swallowed. "I have to leave you."
And with that, he stood and swiftly left my flat, coffee abandoned, furiously rubbing at his eyes as he went.

.

I bit my lip, running a hand through my blonde hair as I glance down at my phone in my lap, sitting on my bed, in my own empty flat. It was still morning, I could still taste the bitter tang of black coffee lingering on my tongue. I was supposed to be deciding on flights to go home, but all I could think about was who I was leaving behind.

Heidi. My Heidi.

I had always prided myself in not needing anyone, that I could manage myself on my own, but she had somehow made herself an exception.

A beautiful exception at that, all bright eyes and big smiles and warmth and kindness and gentleness and endless qualities I never wanted to let go of. She was a fighter, and I wanted nothing more than to fight for her, but I couldn't. I couldn't ask her to come to London with me, and I couldn't offer the time she deserved with my work, all the travel, the time zones, the long days, not even being able to tell her what I'm doing...

No, it wouldn't be fair on her. And it hurt me.

Because this wasn't fair. Not at all.

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