Blue Roses

chapter 75

Hey babies.
So this chapter is quit emotional.
Get ready.

Enjoy .

———————————————

Have you ever had your heart broken so bad to the point where the pain is a continuous, unstoppable currents, one after the other faster than it should.

it's as if your heart is in a pain loop actually, one the you can't escape.

I've been hurt before when my father died. You see I'm familiar with pain yet I didn't expect that the pain I received from Williams's betrayal would actually destroy me way more than my father's death. The way it broke me exceeded the way my father's death broke me. I was eight years old then still a child and as I grew up pain started to form into more than just a feeling and into more forms, it became the fact that I'm fatherless; the need to have someone as my man and my shelter for me and mother and not finding him. It was always the fact that I'm fatherless and the wish for him to be there and he still won't be there.

They say that as you grow up and time passes you forget the pain, but I absolutely disagree.

I believe that time ease the pain, cast it away just a little but you never forget, the person you lost becomes memory of happy times.

So my father's death pain isn't as fresh as it was yesterday, by day it eases away.

Williams did me worst.

At least my father didn't mean to hurt me. Williams knew what he was doing, he used me! I was forced onto him and he asked for something in return!

I was a bargain between him and his father.

Do they think people's hearts are a toy in their freaking hands!

They don't have any excuse.

There would have been hundreds of way to protect me instead of forcing your son to make me fall for him so that he could keep an eye on me!

I'm doubting everything he ever said to me, even his touch and kisses, I'm doubting the way his eyes looked into mine, his eyes were the eyes of a lover! they promised me a lot of things, did he ever mean any of them??

The worst feeling even is not trusting anyone and doubting everything you've lived.

I don't trust williams and I doubt that I can ever trust him again that if he sees me again.

I'm not sure if that's me speaking or my pain.

How can life be this cruel?

One moment you're on top of it and within seconds you fall so hard on the ground!

I'm so broken to the point where I think I won't ever be okay again, I won't be able to rise again.

Why Williams?

Why would anyone do this to any other person!

Make a person fall in love with you in aim to reach something!

I'm not sure I will ever be able to look into his face again or even hear him out or any explanation he has to do.

I lost trust in him and he lied, he lied even though he knows how this affects me.

Listen at yourself you pathetic girl. Lied? Just lied? Does this what makes you angry! He fucking faked his love!!

My thoughts are driving me to insanity!